Still Hanging On
Dani's birthday was so nice--the turnout of family members was great, and Bryce would have loved it. She loved eating her cake and playing with her wrapping paper. Her little cousins and friends opened her gifts, which was fun to watch. She is starting to babble as if words will come soon, and is traversing the house while holding onto furniture. All of these little milestones are accompanied by the split second thought, "I need to call Bryce and tell him about this!" Yep. Crazy.
I have been fairly traumatized lately, but mainly at night after things settle down. I'm amazed at times by the sudden, violent bouts of grief because they are unpredictable. Then I realize it has been 3 months--ONLY 3 months! That's nothing! Of course I'm still grieving fairly intensely, because virtually no time has passed. This short span of time has healed the wounds of many people who know us, but my wounds are very fresh and some are just opening. Dani and I are alone most of the time now. The house is quiet--too quiet.
For those friends and family who feel neglected by me, please don't. The truth is, I just don't have the energy to talk anymore. I'm not sleeping yet, I'm exhausted, and I just don't...I just can't. It's nothing personal, and I really do think about all of you. Don't give up on my little family just yet!
Today is just the intersection of yesterday and tomorrow. It can't get worse.