Back Online!
Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I managed to fry my internet connection (I swear it was the power surge!!!), which apparently was no surprise to Matt, my blogmeister. He seems to think that I break everything with a hard drive. He’s right. Thank you, Matt, for updating everybody last night, and for spending so much time helping us!
I last posted on Tuesday, right before the hospice nurse came in to draw Bryce’s blood for testing. We found out Wednesday that we had to go in for a blood transfusion the next morning, as Bryce’s hematocrit was 17. (That’s really bad.) Holly took Dani Wednesday night so we could get up and go. We arrived at the hospital at 09:00, and they hung the first bag at 14:30. I guess that’s pretty good, compared to what we have been through previously. The blood was finished at 04:00 the next day, and I had snuggled into my 4” spot in the hospital bed with Bryce and fallen asleep. The nurse let us sleep until 7, when we woke up and fled. Hospitals are not cool about sleeping arrangements, so we were outta there. We went straight home and fell asleep, woke up late that night to eat some Cheetos, and fell asleep until the next afternoon. Woohoo!! Holly, thanks for keeping Dani for so long—we love you so much! Bryce should have felt awesome after having 4 bags of PRBC’s (again, thanks to all the donors who donated blood in Bryce’s name), but instead he felt really sick. Our guess is that he felt that way because he went a few days without eating, since his lethargy was much worse after the transfusion.
Good news—Bryce had a chest x-ray during the transfusions, and the results were great! The tumor on his heart has responded well to the radiation and has shrunk in size. The tumors in his lungs appear to have stayed the same since his last chest x-ray a month ago. Given the rate at which the tumors were growing, it’s a miracle that they have slowed, and it’s a bigger miracle that he’s still alive. He has an MRI tomorrow to check out the tumor growth in his brain. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers! All of this hospice care vs. aggressive treatment has confused our nurses and the insurance company. Figuring out the bills will be FUN.
Tonight has been a miserable night for Bryce. He is exhausted and can’t keep any food down. He broke down and told me how he feels like a useless, pointless lump because he can’t get out of bed, prepare his medications or food, and he can’t pick up his daughter. I told him that he wouldn’t think of me as useless if I were in his situation, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Reading him the awesome posts many of you have made the past few days (while we were internetless) lifted his spirits a bit. I think he forgets how much he is loved and how much he means to our little family and many others. I wish I could do something to make him feel better, but I don’t know what else to say. The most amazing part of this ordeal is that Bryce hasn’t complained very much. How many of us could face a disease of this magnitude and the horrible side effects with so much dignity and courage? When I have a headache, haven’t slept, and I’m frustrated with life, I think of my brave, tough husband—whining isn’t an option. What a stud.
I have a lot of time (at night) to ruminate and put things into perspective. My job drives my thought processes a lot also. I am in the tissue donation field. When a person dies and has consented to donate their organs, eyes or tissues (please tell me you all have a big fat “YES” on your drivers licenses!!! MORE IMPORTANTLY, SHARE YOUR DECISION WITH YOUR FAMILY!!!), my team steps in. For many years, I have been part of the team that actually recovers the skin, bone and soft tissues from the heroes who choose to donate. I have contacted family members of people who passed away just minutes before to discuss donation, I have processed the tissue into transplantable grafts, and I have trained the teams of incredible people who have made this field their passion. Currently, my job is to be available 24/7 to answer questions about donor suitability. I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this field. One thing I have learned is that nobody can predict when his or her life will end. So many people get into their cars to go to work, school or vacation and never come home. Sometimes it happens without warning during the night, or while watching TV. Others suffer through disease and pain, knowing the end is in sight. Nobody is exempt. How many of us are ready? Bryce and I have had the opportunity, as unfortunate as the past three months have been, to prepare for the inevitable. We have become more spiritual, as the reality of where we are now and where we are going sinks in. Certain movies and TV shows are distant memories, because they don’t invite the appropriate spirit into our home. Each day ends in prayer together, as we thank the Lord for all that we have been blessed with, and we plead for the strength to be GOOD people. We have prepared our wills and attempted to straighten out our finances, and have begun to secure Danika fiscally. How many of us screw up because it’s fun and feels good, regardless of the consequences of our actions? How many of us treat others in a manner which we would be furious or hurt if we were treated the same way? Were any of you a jerk to a family member or friend today, hurt somebody, cheated on your mate, stolen from somebody—the list is endless. How about “little” things, like driving like an idiot, giving somebody the cold shoulder, planting lettuce seeds in somebody’s immaculate flower bed (remember that, H.?)or forking somebody’s lawn (my apologies to you-know-who in 1992 ;)? Would you have done that if you knew your life would end tonight? My guess would be NO. I challenge you—no, I DARE you—to act as if today could be your last day. Forgive a grudge. Help a stranded motorist. Make a new friend, and stay close to the friends you already have (guilty!). Forget about “status”. Love one another! Keep your family intact. Be NICE—it goes pretty far!! Remember that life is short, and not worth feeling angry or depressed. Live each day with dignity and hope. We are ALL blessed with opportunity—what will you make of it? My sister said something to me the other day that really made me think—“Helping others is great, but how many of us would truly inconvenience ourselves to assist somebody else?”
On that note, THANK YOU to everybody who has gone out of their way to help our family. We feel blessed to be the recipients of great meals, beautiful flowers (Katie!!), babysitting, visitors, donations, prayers, messages and love. Keep the posts coming!!!! Also, if you haven't had a chance, check out our photo shoot at www.jessistringham.com/brown, and be sure to help us repay Jessi by booking her for your own photos!
Here are some pictures of Steffani and I playing on the scooter with our kids
45 Comments So Far!
Bryce you are such an amazing person. When I read that your tumor around your heart has shrunk it brought tears to my eyes. I went to all my friends here at work and told them all the good news. One guy told me that he thinks your are a miracle. Mike and I are so proud of you for fighting. Keep up the good fight. Like in the movie "What About Bob" baby steps. One tumor at a time. I pray that your MRI goes well tomorrow. Much Love and prayers!
Teri
Hi Tammy and Bryce,
What a powerful blog! If I knew how to email you directly I would but since I don't I'll just have to post here. First off, I'm thrilled to hear that the chest xray brought good news. Whew!! Finally, a much deserved reprieve. I'm doing the happy dance. Secondly, I've mentioned before that my daughter is the recipient of a heart, double-lungs, and kidney transplants so you can bet your last dollar that our entire family and all our friends are huge believers in organ donation (and yes, we all have the pink dot on our licenses!) I have worked with UNOS for years giving speeches and helping out at various functions to increase donor awareness. Your job is amazing and I'm sure it must give you an enormous feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. You are so fortunate to be a witness to the goodness and generosity of people in a time of personal crisis.
I check this blog every day and tonight I have renewed hope that Bryce will get his miracle. You are both in my daily prayers. My daughter is a living testimony to the power of prayers. She truly is our living miracle, so I know that miracles do indeed happen. Hang on to your faith, and never, ever give up hope.
All my very best.
Tammy -
You are AMAZING! Thank you for the challenge in your post. Even though Brad is gone now, I need reminding of living life with care and concern for others.
You are in my prayers. Bryce is an amazing man, and Danika is blessed to have such beautiful parents.
Becky
I don't need to tell you to "Hang in there", because I can tell that you are doing a fabulous job of it. Your last post was awesome to say in the least. You are a remarkable lady. God has blessed you with the gift of strength and courage. I continue to pray for your entire family. Thanks for keeping all of us cyberspace friends in touch with your journey. I will be living today as you have asked, because you are exactly right, we never know!!
May God continue to bless you with the strength that you need to fight this ugly battle.
Godspeed...
What a remarkable post! I was really touched and inspired. I'm so thrilled to hear that the heart tumor has shrunk. What a blessing!
Bryce . . you a by no means a useless lump. You and your message have changed so many lives and inspired so many to embrace this wonderful life we are all given. What you have shown people with your courage, strength and love and so more valuable than anything else you can't do.
Love is pouring out to you from all over the country. I feel like I know you and your family personally and yet, we've never met.
God bless you and I hope you have a fabulous day!
Jennifer
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Tammy... step away from the smoking electronics. Please. Just drop them and slowly back away.
Did I ever tell you about the time I smoked a $125,000 robot that our sales guy was trying to sell to a big-wig customer? We had this demo unit that we were showing off. I was there to reconfigure the arms so they would be similar to the system the customer was interested in. To make a long story short... I plugged a cable for one of the arms in the wrong connector on the control/power board. Confident that everything was all set, I powered the system on to initialize it. The sales guy and the customer were chatting away right behind me, as one of the arms (which typically moves relatively slowly for higher precision) whipped back and forth like it was at a rock concert and made faint popping noises. It occurred to me that I needed to pull the plug on this thing NOW. Yeah... in these situations I am a real genius... I know. After I pulled the plug, everything went silent. Then some white smoke gracefully drifed out of the panel that covers the main electronics. Somehow, neither the sales guy or customer noticed, because they were really into their conversation. Then the customer announced that he smelled something burning, and left to another part of the room to investigate. I sprung to action, and found that I got REALLY lucky. The cable I plugged in wrong essentially turned into a fuse, and was responsible for the smoking and popping. No damage was done to the motors or electronics. I was able to replace the $50 cable in a few minutes and had this thing working... properly. When the customer returned, unable to find the source of the smell, the system was operational and ready to demo. Crisis averted. Still... how embarassing. So, Tammy... you're not the only one who can smoke electronics. Join the club! Think of it like a superpower or something...
Anyway... that's my little anecdote for you. I am glad you're back online. Keep strong... all of you. You guys rock, and my prayers are still coming! Love you all!
-Dave
You are right Tammy. As our priest said, time to prepare is the one gift that cancer does give most of the time, even though it is so difficult. I have thought so many times about the things you are doing to get ready. I remember the post you wrote a while back that you were video taping Bryce reading a book to Dani. I had never thought about that. I know so many have lost loved ones that they would give anything to have had a note from them, or better pictures or special momentos. Brian is in the stage of trying to decide about all of that, and you are both very inspiring to us. I sometimes worry that we are giving up hope if we do those things; then I realize that each of us could be gone in a moment, and none of us are guaranteed anything past today. Brian wants to start journaling, and I have decided to also because we should have been doing this anyway...his illness has just put us in this position.
Brian also feels like he is worthless sometimes. I am sure I feel the same about Brian as you do about Bryce. This weekend after his craniotomy, he looked at me and asked...what would I do without you? I told him that is what I think about every moment of every day...what will I do without him? Brian says sometimes he just needs to vent, that this is not really him, that he hates being sick like this. I remind him that I love him, and am honored to take care of him. I wasn't expecting this when we got married, but my commitment was true and I wouldn't be anywhere else. Sometimes I myself feel like a failure because often I feel like I do so much to help him, and he just gets sicker and sicker.
I want you to know you are on my mind and in my prayers often throughout each day. I don't know what your future holds, but it is obvious that you love each other and are cherishing each precious moment, which is much more than so many in our world have.
I am so happy to hear your news about the tumor around the heart and lungs. I will say special prayers for good news with the brain MRI.
Many blessings,
Jenni, wife of Brian (35 y/o stage 4 melanoma)
Maryville, MO
Tammy,
18 months ago Friday my 53 year old mom died unexpectedly in her sleep of a massive heart attack. She and my dad had been married nearly 34 years, it was a huge blow to our family. Mom believed wholeheartedly in organ and tissue donation. She always made sure we knew growing up that we needed to check that box on our driver's license. She was an obstetrics nurse but had also worked in surgery and general medical. She knew that checking that box was not enough. When it comes time to transplant your next of kin must be the one to give the okay, regardless of what your license says. We live in a rural community 98 miles north of Kansas City, MO so the closest transplant team was Midwest Transplant out of KC. Given the nature of her death(how unexpected and the amount of time that had passed), harvesting organs was not an option, but tissue donation was. Midwest Transplant was awesome. Many people are confused about what tissue donation includes. It includes corneas, bone, skin, heart valve, just to name a few. They told us with mom's donation that they would be able to help hundreds of people, mostly children. The skin donation would most likely benefit burn victims. Many people don't think of that. I feel good knowing that even in death my mom was able to continue her good work in helping children. We received a letter a few months ago from Midwest Transplant thanking us for donating. They also said that mom was one of only nine people in their entire network to be an organ or tissue donor in 2006. I was proud and disappointed. Midwest Transplant covers the entire northwest section of the state of Missouri and only 9 people donated of themselves last year. It is something to think and pray about. Whether it is a simple blood donation while we live or a multi-organ donation after death, we have the ability to pass life onto our fellow man. After all, we are one body in Christ and what better way to show love for one another than to give completely of ourselves. Continued prayers for Bryce and his healing as well as patience and comfort for you, Tammy, as you continue to care for him.
Hugs, Karis
Bryce (Doorway) and Tammy,
Well, "Thank You" once again for my daily dose of spiritual uplifting. I'm so glad your able to post again. I have been missing it so much. I'm addicted. It was awesome to visit with you both on Monday. What a great opportunity for me and my daughter. She went to school yesterday and told everyone about you, Bryce. Thank you for the wrist bands. Maddi and I wear them with great pride. I took mine off yesterday to take a bath and when I went to pick Maddi up from school she notice right away it wasn't on. She really got on me about it. I came home and put it right back on. My niece in Idaho that reads your blogs every day, said that her little girls, Sammi (9) and Maci (7) pray for you and a girl named Bowey that they saw on "Extreme Home Makeover" I think she must have an illness and they fell in love with her. So every night they pray for Bryce and Bowey. You have prayers from all over the place. Bryce, you are amazing. Your strength gives me strength. You and I were talking about the TV thing when we visited. It is so true. When you want the Spirit to be with you, you have to be doing the right things and watching smut on TV drives the Spirit right out of your home. It's easy to watch it and say "ew that wasn't good" but we still keep it on. We have to turn it off completely and not just accept it. When the Spirit is so strong, as it is in your home, you have alot more power to NOT allow the smut. We have a brand new home and I hope we are living in a way that the Spirit can always dwell here. It is so fresh and clean and I want to do everything I can to keep it that way in every aspect. Maddi said to tell you "hi" and "she loves you". She wants to know how to get wrist bands for her friends up here in Y-Om-In.
Let us know what ever it takes.
Tammy, I have to let you know our newest additions. Tomorrow we are on our way to Montpellier (spell?) ID to pick up a mini horse and her baby AND two pigmy goats (they come with the package) to add to our petting zoo up here. I'll send pictures when they arrive.
Thank you for your inspiration and love. It radiates in your home.
Love you all,
Stepstool
Bryce & Tammy,
It is truly an amazing feat that Bryce has held up so strong through all of this. It is hard to not complain over the slightest of inconveniences and here he is staying so strong. He is an amazing example to all of us, and I'm sure Tammy feels so blessed to be a part of his life. Tammy, you also are so amazing. Standing strong and keeping the hope alive. You guys can do this together, REMEMBER that you are NOT alone. Not only are hundreds of people praying daily for you, and checking up on you whenever possible, not only do you have each other and your beautiful little girl, there is also the Lord. He is there for you to lean on and cry to. He will carry you through this, and reward you in ways you cannot imagine. Continue to keep Him and His spirit close to you and you will come out victorious. You are in our constant prayers, STAY STRONG!!
Brittani Martin
Dear Bryce, and Tammy too,
You're now being prayed for in Baton Rouge Louisiana and Columbia South Carolina and in the Benedict home.
As he got older, my father often complained of being worthless because he couldn't do all the things he used to do. It is hard. But we didn't come to earth to show how much stuff we could get done; we came to become more like Heavenly Father. That is what He wants us to accomplish. You have been an incredible example of handling extreme trials with patience and faith and even joy. You have not only become more like our Savior, but you have helped all of us around you become better people as well. That is an amazing accomplishment. I believe that Heavenly Father must be so pleased with the influence you have on His children even in the midst of your own trials.
We love you Bryce and Tammy and are grateful for your selflessness in allowing us to share this journey with you.
Love,
Marian and Sally
I do not know either of you, but have found your blog through someone else's blog. I work in dermatology and was interested in your blog because of the title. I was truly touched and saddened by your blog. Your story touches my heart immensely and makes me keep in mind the many blessings I have. I have kept you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for your last post as it truly gave me some great insights. I hope to be a better person and reading your blog makes me want to try harder because as you said you never know when it will be your last day. Good luck to you all.
Bryce,
I am so glad to hear that the tumors are responding to the treatment. Tammy's words of wisdom are something that I hope to be able to follow. I miss being able to come visit. I think that we should be able to soon because Miles and I are clearing up. By the way #3 is another boy, Emily is feeling a bit out numbered and wondering if she will ever be able to buy dresses. As for me I'm excited to have 3 boys to wrestle with - I would have been super happy to have a girl too.
Anyway, be careful on that scooter, I almost rolled it one day with Miles and Sam. I hope to see you soon. By the way - I just picked up a set of Pings and was supposed to go to Jeremy Ranch today but it snowed.
You are an inspiration to many and keep it up, we love you.
John B
I had no idea I was remodeling this morning......I now have a swimming pool right around my computer after reading that post (lots of tears)!
Tammy,
I am so glad to hear that the Pericardial Tumor has shrunk some. What an encouraging sign. Especially when things weren't working in the past. I like what Teri said about the baby steps. Wars are won one battle at a time. I continually pray for the Lord to bless you both with the strength to keep fighting each battle day in and day out. I try to imagine how difficult it all must be, but I know it is much harder than anything I can possibly fathom. Bryce truly is an incredible man. I am so glad you found him because had you not, I wouldn't know him. What an example of strength and humility he is. I really liked what you said about getting rid of the spiritual clutter in our lives. I often think of the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I think about how I wish I could be that way. Then for some stupid reason I go back to my routine. It really doesn't matter who wins Survivor or what happens on all of the tv shows I have become addicted to. Many of them are not spiritually uplifting or strengthening. I pray that I might follow your example and BE a better person.
You know my stance on Donation as I am one of the several you have trained in recovery. For those reading who don't know much about it, I would encourage you to find out as much as you can and to promote it endlessly. Working where I do at AlloSource, I have been blessed to see so many peoples lives change. I have seen the grief and pain of those who have lost a loved one. I have heard them tell of their resolve to honor their loved one by donating organs or tissue for cause of bettering someone else's life. I have personally seen tissue go from the donor, through the steps of processing and to the recipient. You can't imagine the feeling of looking at a small child in a burn unit and knowing that the skin grafts that you just delivered will save that child's life and give them a chance to experience the joys of life. who knows, that child may be the one who goes on to find a cure for cancer, or aids. Like Tammy, I encourage each of you to become a donor. Tell your family of your wishes, encourage others to become donors. There are links you can follow by checking out www.idslife.org. Sorry so go off on a rant, but it is something I have become passionate about.
Bryce, Keep up the fight, we are all pulling for you. If there is anything you need, don't hesitate to ask.
Dear Tammy & Bryce,
I hope you don't mind posts from people you've never met! I don't know if many folks from IDS post here but I want you guys to know that your family is in all our thoughts and prayers. Many of us are following your blog and sending you good vibes. We were so glad to hear the latest good news! And you can bet your sweet bippy that we're all registered organ and tissue donors! Keep up the good work Bryce and I look forward to meeting you both in person some time.
Tammy & Bryce,
So thrilled to read that bit of good news this morning! And Tammy, we're glad you're in that line of work too. Glad the pics turned out so well. Jessi IS amazing and you guys are incredibly photogenic and beautiful! You both looked great.
I was thinking today about how TOTALLY amazing this blog is and about how you said it would become Bryce's legacy to Dani. Maybe you were already planning on it, but I think you should totally do one of these with it. http://www.blurb.com/book/blogbook?ce=google_blog&gclid=CIKVkJbilo8CFRcbWAodWE2BeQ
As always, we continue to pray for you daily. Bryce - your strength and determination in fighting this disease is beyond anything a man could ever do for his family. It is beyond anything a man should ever HAVE to do. You inspire us, as does this blog. Thanks for sharing your perspective at such a difficult time in your life and for turning such a horrific trial into something so beautiful. And for giving others the inspiration to do the same. Keep it coming . . .
It broke my heart to read that Bryce broke down and said he felt like a useless lump.
Bryce, for once in your life be selfish and worry about no one else but yourself. Concern yourself with taking care of YOU as best you can. I know it's hard but your family is well taken care of at this time specifically so you can work hard on getting better. None of us would have it any other way.
You are the 1% Bryce, keep fighting!
Jer
Hi there, Tammy & Bryce~
Sometimes as I privately & quietly read your blog, I feel like a fly on the wall or someone who's sneaking a peek when they shouldn't be. So, I guess I just want you to know that I'm still here following your story and sending love and positive energy your way. I also wanted to tell Tammy that I loved what she wrote about living everyday as if it were your last; we've all heard this saying at one time or another, but how many people actually live it? The ordeal that your family is going through has struck a cord with me on so many levels; the appreciation is gives me for life, the love it brings out in my own relationships, and the reminder to value every single moment of every single day with those that you love. I just want you to know that someone is listening and trying to take on your dare.
give yourselves big hugs and lots of love from both myself and my husband. thanks for sharing so much or yourselves.
we are still here thinking of you both and sending love your way.
xo jeny & toby chipman
Once again I am forever grateful for you two wonderful friends. You are stronger than you think and your influence spreads ever further everyday. So many of us are blessed by your approach and management of your situation. Still, we would all gladly give back those blessings, and many more, if it could be reversed. Know that not only do so many of us love you, but so does The Father and your elder brother our Savior. If you will look for it, I promise you will see their influence in your lives every day in many ways. You are in my prayers. Thank you for the valuable time you gratiously share with me.
Bishop B
Hi Tammy and Bryce,
We have never met, but I came to your blog SOMEHOW (still not sure how) through a blog posted by a family here in Houston, Texas. The family is the Lyons family (husband Brendan, wife Julie, both in their mid-30s, and three small children under the age of 6).
Julie has terminal and inoperable stage 4 melanoma, and just yesterday, when asked how she feels, she said "useless." She focused on her emotional feelings instead of her physical symptoms. Then I read your blog, today, Bryce, and saw that you, too, are battling those same feelings. A bell went off in my head. I began to realize that no matter how supportive we who are not affected by terminal cancer try to be, sometimes hearing from someone else who's in the same situation can offer a unique form of comfort and peace. So if you wish to talk with Julie or any of the Lyons family, their blog is www.lyonsfamily.org. I don't know how to hyperlink that address, so you may have to type it in - sorry. And by the way, you have an amazing family. You're in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart here in Houston.
Ronda
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
Once again I thank you for your inspiring thoughts. I'm not sure you will ever really know the influence you have had on so many lives these past few months. I am personally uplifted by your grace and courage, your optimism, and your words of wisdom to enjoy each day with the blessings of the moment. All we can really do is to recognize each day as a gift.
One of my fond memories of Bryce is at Blazer Day Camp! I remember spending time with Bryce and the other 11 year old boys up at Camp Tracy. Those were some fun times. Bryce has been the life of the party since he was a small child. Our family prays for your family every day. We are grateful for the good news of the x-rays and hope for continued positive news in the days ahead. May you always know, Bryce, Tammy, and Dani, that you are continually in our hearts.
Love, Pam Wing
You guys are amazing. I just wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you all daily and you are in our prayers. Our six year old was praying the other day and said "and bless mommy's friends Bryce and comfort them". It was awesome. My Husband and I smiled. Thank you for all your comments. They are truly inspirational. We love you!!!!
Roni
ps the ice cream is coming and Tammy I talked with one of your coworkers today. She loves you!
Tammy and Bryce,
The girls and I just got back from South Dakota for a visit with my family and to celebrate my dad's retirement from the Air Force. While I was there I learned something pretty scary about my dad and now melanoma has hit way to close to home for me. My dad had his routine retirement physical about a week ago and while he was there the doctor checked his moles, decided one of them was suspicious and removed it. It tested positive for melanoma. She thought she got it all but just to be on the safe side she referred him to a dermatologist and they removed more and they will be testing that to make sure it is all gone. Knowing what I know about Bryce and his fight this just floored me. I am hoping this is just a one mole incident and that it is gone now, but it is like you said melanoma does not care who you are! It can get anyone! It makes me realize more and more that physicals are so important and that EVERYONE needs to be checked. On a lighter note, I did not keep up on the blog while I was gone so I was so happy to read when I got back that the tumor (Larry was it?) around Bryce's heart was shrinking and that his lung tumors had not grown!!! SCORE ONE FOR BRYCE!!! GOOD JOB MAN!!! KEEP UP THAT FIGHT!!! And Tammy thank you for reminding us all how important it is to say Yes to being a donor. I am proud to say when I got my Ohio driver's license a few weeks ago that there is a big fat YES! on it. The work that you, Jeff, Allosource and the rest of the donor world are doing is so great and I am so happy to know people that are a part of that. We love you guys and are thinking and praying for you always.
Love,
Jeff, Cassie, Ayanna and Celeste
Wow. What a great post. So full of inspiration in every way. You two are making such a big mark in this life. Doing something positive with such a devastating trial. Thank you for the uplifting words. Tammy, I've known you for a while now. I think back on the Tammy from your past life (ha, ha) and then I read all these incredible posts and I am so overwhelmed at who you are! You are in such an amazing place spiritually, and I think it is mainy because of Bryce. So, Bryce you are not useless. You are amazing. You are a fighter beyond any other. You are inspiring so many. You have touched so many lives and you are killing cancer!! Thanks for sharing your lives with all of us.
With all our love and prayers,
lance and brenda
Dear Tammy and Bryce,
You don't know me. We live in Chicago and I have found your blog through another blog. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your very personal and trying story. I cannot help but cry as I have spent hours reading your entire blog. Your strength and courage through this trial is amazing. I am currently preparing a lesson for church based upon the new apostle Elder Cook's talk "Live By Faith and Not By Fear". You are a perfect example of living by faith and not by fear. As you continue through each struggling moment, you continue to triumph each hurdle in a meek, graceful and faithful manner. Your story puts my complaints, struggles, and conflict in perspective as to what is really important.
My daily prayers will include you and your family. Again, thank you for sharing.
Michelle
Byrce and Tammy and Dani,
Byrce we are so excited that your tumor around your heart is shrinking, that is such great news. Our prayers continue that your recovery will be complete and your return to health will be very soon and last for many many years. It is wonderful that you will share your thoughts with all of us and allow us a glimpse into your lives as you fight and win this battle. I can't even write without leaving words out let alone express my thoughts as you can, what a nice gift to have the ability to express yourself in writing. Just a thought if I could the last blog expressed Byrce's thoughts for a moment only of feeling unable to be of service in his family and doing the things that husbands and dads are usually doing. I enjoy thinking about a hymn that might be helpful for you, it says something like this
In word and deed He doth require
My will to His like son to Sire
Be made to bend and I as son
Learn conduct from the Holy One
Bryce you are learning from many experiences that are a blessing to you your family and to us because you are willing to share those experiences, I just want to thank you for your willingness to give to us and let us share your blessing in our lives, you are doing a great service for us, thanks
Tom Jean & Justin
Hi Tammy
Have you tried juicing? fairly easy process, get a Jack LaLane juicer or whatever kind you perfer
Buy Organic
6 Carrots
2 Apples
2 oranges
Tastes great, and very good for Bryce. Also Just Barley capsules great blood builder. 3 with each juicing, if you can get him juicing 3X @ day, could potentially be big help with calories, energy, and cancer fighting antioxidents.
Please feel free to zip me an email if I can help.
Hang tough and prayers sent each and every day!
Big Hugs
Jane
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
We're hoping and praying for good results on the MRI. You've now got people in Mesa Arizona and Manti Utah praying for you. What a blessing your family is to so many people.
Thank you and all our love,
Marian and Sally
Hi Brown family, I have missed seeing you but maybe next week. This was e-mailed to us at work. It says it all about donation. I cannot imagine working in any other field. It is rather long but worth the time. My heart is full of gratitude for all the donors and donor families. What an extraordinary gift!
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?
page=rayofhope&lpos=spotlight&lid=tab7pos1
Tammy and Bryce,
You are loved beyond words and admired near and far,
Some may be family, or friends, some
don't know who you are.
You've made friends of strangers and taught unconditional love,
Do you think all is in vain, ask the angels and
God above?
Your life is worth more than there are stars in the sky,
You've changed outlooks and visions and improved others lives.
Miracles are witnessed on this road you have tread,
Christ knows you well, "You've loved as I", He said.
Love you - Rhonda
I must agree with you Tammy (though I don't know you) that Bryce is definately a stud! Bryce, do not feel useless as you are inspiring many people who watch this post and you are changing their lives, that is a powerful thing! Keep fighting, hoping and dreaming! Good advice Tammy, its nice to be reminded of how good we can and should be.
Marty & Liza Nelson
Hmm, forking, lettuce seeds, hairspray (you know what I'm talking about...) - I plead the 5th! I sure was a sucker for peer (sister) pressure! At least we're reformed now. Instead of following you into the depths of prank hell, I now need to follow you on your path to spirituality and kindness. Drag me up with you! You're awesome!
Holly
Dear Tammy and Bryce,
I haven't had the opportunity to meet you but I work with the National Kidney Foundation and was hired to promote organ and tissue donation as well. I've been following your blog for awhile now, and have had you in my thoughts and prayers. In the past months I wanted to write in, but something always stopped me. I have to confess that sometimes I would start to read your words and would have to exit out because I felt scared inside. Something inside of me felt uneasy as if there might be something coming I wasn't willing to deal with. The feeling made me sick everytime... perhaps a premonition...
Anway, last Thursday my dad called to let me know he was diagnosed with melanoma. Like I said, I just knew something was going to happen... We're waiting for the staging, but in the meantime I want you to know that your words have always touched me, but today they were partically powerful as our family also plans for the unknown. I just wanted you to know I cared before, and now understand the reason I was directed to this blog. You have helped me before I knew I would actually need it, and I know you help so many others through the gift of your words that you offer each time you share your story.
Thank you for your selflish gift,
Kathie
I was just talking to Nancy today about how MM has changed the way that she looks at life. I was complaining about my computer being down at work and she said, "Funny. I used to let stuff like that get to me and I just don't care. It's not important. I need to be doing what's important and caring about what's important." She is sooo right as are you guys.
That said, here is Golf Joke #4 to make Bryce laugh:
*****************************************************************************
"A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness,this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
***********************************************************************
Praying for you,
Judy
Hey Tammy and Bryce,
I wanted to let you know that I'm still thinking of you each day even though I get so caught up in my own dumb world. I try and tell myself to think of you every time I'm in a grumpy mood or I'm stressed out with my 3 little ones. Life is good and we have our health. My mental health could be questioned, but for now we are well.
I like what you said, Tammy, about cutting TV and such. This has been my year to SIMPLYFY! It's kind of my theme right now. It's true, if we clear out the clutter in our life, we can focus on what's really important. I find that sometimes I just don't have time for certain things because of my kids. When it comes right down to watching "that show" or getting my kids to bed on time, often I just choose to be with my kids. They are the ones that count and those are the memories that are going to last and create the peace and security we kids need in this uncertain world.
I still can't even come close to imagining what your life is like right now, but I know you will get through it and I am cheering you on.
Love-Nikki
Hey Guys,
I hadn't checked the blog for 2 days and was reminded by my mom. I have several friends & family members asking about your family. Isn't it funny how Bryce & Tammy & Dani can influence so many people they have never met? That, in and of itself Bryce, is extremely influential and infinately valuable. Josh & I are so excited to hear some good things about Bryce's condition! We have no doubt that you have it in you to be the 1%. We love you and hope all goes well tomorrow.
P.S. All of my family is already aware that I am a donor and I have given them tips as to funny ways to answer the med/soc. Josh knows that he is not being given any other option. He IS a donor.
Glad to hear you both got some sleep, but sorry to hear that Bryce was feeling sick and couldn't eat! The entry for the 17th brought tears to my eyes and made me think again how fragile life is. A news reporter who went through breast cancer treatment was on the NBC nightly news tonight (the 18th) and spoke about that. She said "realize that your life has margins - I'm not going to waste one minute of it!" She also said several times that her cancer has given her one thing - she has now reached a point where "you can't scare me" - she has already looked into "the abyss". I think one of the hardest things is to feel almost totally helpless. Bryce, your job is to conserve your energy for fighting cancer - something you are excelling at, which is validated by the test results! Keep up your good work (and it is work!) You are my hero (and I would feel priviledged to do any service I can to help in your fight). So happy to hear you had a chance to catch up on some much needed sleep, Tammy! Love, Ann LeVitre
Hi again, I just received an e-mail regarding the ESPN story I thought you would be able to read. Lets try again, since the other one didn't work.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=rayofhope
I went to the ESPN website and found this one. It worked for me as it should. Hopefully some of you will be able to log on and visit this site, it is very touching and speaks volumes of what Tammy and the rest of us, as her coworkers, deal with on a daily basis. Some of us are on the sidelines, others are right there in the middle. I'm sure you can guess where Tammy is.
As always Tammy and Bryce and your darling daughter, my heart is with you, my thoughts, and my prayers.
Dear Bryce and Tammy, My Sis-in-law, Sally Mc told me about you , your terrible struggle and your remarkable strength.Her husband, Gordon was my oldest brother and talk about strength, she is over-flowing with it! She, as you well know is one of the worlds sweetest people and she took such good care of my brother for their whole life together, he loved her so very much! As do I and our whole family! I first visited your site while it was "down", which for me, was good. It gave me a chance to go back to the beginning and catch up and learn all about your beautiful family, your incredible knack for writing and sharing your most personal feelings. I only spent about 6 1/2 hrs.reading that first time,(the photos were AWESOME!! You can truly see the love that you have for eachother! And Dani is just as cute if not more so than I had heard.) I also was able to read all (well most) of the posted comments and can see why you look forward to reading them each day! You are so blessed to have a loving and supportive family and such a HUGE number of friends and well-wishers all pulling for you! What a wonderful world we live in! I was soo happy to read tonight that the tumor on his heart has shrunk!!So long SUCKER!!! You will not be missed! And that the others have not grown! That is so great, I hope that each x-ray from now on brings you nothing but more great news,renewed hope and tons of relief. My husband, Randy, 22 years ago and at age 19 (before I had the gift of knowing him)was diagnosed with a horrible disease called "Aplastic Anemia", Which resulted in the Chemo, and the Radiation, blood transfusions and then finally, thanks to his selfless,younger brother, Jon, a Bone Marrow Transplant!( which the Dr. performed while reading from a book as there wasn't much known about this disease then. How scarey that would be huh?) Thank you Jon! We love you! He then spent the next several months living in a large plastic bubble with no human contact due to the risk of infection! What a fighter he was, he was unwilling to go anywhere and his family rallied around him with tons of prayer too, just like yours is doing! Anyway, like I said that was 22 years ago and although it isn't one of his favorite topics of conversation, he is here, he is alive and he is the most wonderful and giving man I know! He was and is a survivor and I just know that you will be too! Bryce,you will be the 1%!! Keep that positive attitude and your family and friends close and keep up those prayers everyone!! You both are such an inspiration, your strength is amazing and I feel so blessed to have read your story and to add you to our prayer list. I found this book that I want to get to you ASAP so when Sally gets home from visiting her new little Grand-daughter, I will get it to her. It will give you more to read together and 49 more ideas you may not have thought of. Thats all I'm going to say on it now. May GOD bless you and your family and get you feeling so much better real soon. Thanks for sharing your story. I know there are alot of people drawing strength and inspiration from you and your story to fight their own ugly creatures. Best wishes always, Jenny Baird (So.Ogden) Keep up the fight!!
Bryce -
How sad that you feel useless because it is now that you are most powerful. In stillness, in pain, in suffering you are a teacher leading by example. You are respected and admired by thousands of people who have never met you. I won't say "be strong, fight hard", I simply will say be you because that is enough, that is your gift. Wishing you peace today and always.
Hi Bryce and Tammy,
I just talked to you this morning Tammy and you sounded tired and maybe even a little overwhelmed. So, I thought that I would shoot off a note to let you know that we are all thinking of you here in Buffalo, NY. We talk about you often and are just amazed at the job you do and how you do it with such poise. And Bryce you are not anywhere near useless. You fighting this disease and having the strength to continue to fight is your legacy to your wife and your daughter. And the fact that you do it without complaints, that just shows a very dignified man who cares so much for his family. Fighting the fight so that they may have more time to spend with you.
You are both amazing people and I cannot even express it in words. And I do not even know you personally. You have filled and restored so many peoples faith in our Lord. You have made people stop or at least slow down their busy lives and realize that life is a gift and that you should enjoy every moment. I read a billboard at one of the local churches that said " A truly joyful person is a person who can enjoy the scenery when lost." And it is so true. we get so wrapped up in the things that we need to accomplish instead of slowing down and enjoying the finer things in life. Like having one more day with your wife and child. Snuggling in bed with each other, having your child ask for one more kiss goodnight or one more bedtime story. Watching your daughter get more teeth (even though it is a stressful time for everyone involved ;) Watching her learn to walk, talk, ride a bike. All the little things that people sometimes take for granite. I hope and pray that you will BOTH be able to enjoy these experiences with your daughter.
I know I am rambling on and on so I will end it here. Continuing to pray for all of you, sending out many praises and hope for more good news. Keep up the good work. And Tammy make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. Much love from Jen in Buffalo
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
Newport Beach California, Washington DC, and Logan Utah have been added to those praying for you. We are too.
We love you,
Marian and Sally
Hello!to the 'three stooges'!(Is that faster to type than 'Bryce, Tammy, and Danika'?!) Because I am really behind in the 'computer age' and am SO SLOW at the keyboard. Wow, it feels so good to 'hear' from you again. I tend to worry a bit when the blog isn't updated for a few days (thanks Matt). But then I feel kinda selfish because it must be somewhat time consuming and tiring to do this for us. I'm glad you are using this as a 'diary'.
Thank you for a much needed 'attitude shake-up'. I thought I was supposed to be sending YOU words of strength, courage and wisdom. Sometimes I can be such a shmuck and wallow in my own little 'cess pool'. It's about time I got out and showered off! I could use a good 'house cleaning' also! Where are those "Merry Maids" when you need them! And, boy, asking me to be GOOD...I just don't know!!!
Love the heck out of you, Tams and Bryce. My arms are aching to be around those skinny bods of yours. You ARE "doing the work" and "are no slacker"---keep on trucking those "baby steps". {you gotta just love that BOB!)
Unca Jimmy and I send our deep love and God's geatest blessings your way.
Aunt Melanie
shrinkage!?!!!!?!!!??! I am way amped....this is how you become the 1%....one day....one battle at a time. keep on kicking brother. im gonna go eat some cheetos :)
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Yeah! I'm the first to respond to this latest posting. I really love all that you have said. It is so true that we need to live our lives as though today would be our last day. I found out tonight that one of my good friends that I work with in the medical alliance lost her 15 year old son last Friday (I haven't watched any news as I was out of town) due to an electrocution. He climbed up an electrical tower for fun. You are correct that life can be snatched at a moment's notice. I'm up late (or early) now because Dad got called to the hospital to work on a 22 year old girl that was involved in a MVA. She apparently looks like she was dragged 1/2 mile on her face. Dad will be up all night operating on her.
Life certainly has many challenges--for everyone. I hope that all of your readers take your admonitions to heart to love a little more, forgive a little more, quit holding grudges, be a better friend, etc. Oh, and your suggestion about getting rid of the things in life that drag down your spirituality was wonderful!
Tammy, you are a wonderful example of courage, strength, love, tenacity, and every other good term I can think of. I love you very much and pray for Bryce to get well and for you to remain strong.
Love, Mom