If you know Tammy at all you won't be surprised to hear that she loves Halloween.  Little did my boys know how much until a very large chicken started chasing them around the Seller's home this afternoon.  As a true member of the tammarazzi I had my camera in the car and was able to snag a few photos of she and Dani.

The story is not over! Bryce's story continues, and his legacy is gathering steam. Go to www.100daysoflove.blogspot.com and make sure you join the challenge. Check it often, and take action. Thanks to Nathan and Suzie for truly understanding Bryce, and for giving him a voice we all can hear. Stay tuned--my story has just begun.

Click here to go to the actual obituary online. It's surreal.

Bryce Dee Brown, 33, loving husband, daddy, son, brother, and friend, lost his battle with melanoma on October 25, 2007. His entire family surrounded him, held him, and told him funny stories as he passed. For 100 days, Bryce fought with all his might to kill cancer. He fought for his wife Tammy (Sellers), 32, his 9 month-old baby Danika, for his family, and for all those who face this insidious disease. He approached this fight with great dignity, optimism and valor, which was par for his course.

Bryce endured and triumphed over more trials than most would ever know. His love for life, good natured personality, brightness and charm carried him through these tough times, especially through this final conflict. All of his hard work and determination paid off when he married his best friend and love of his life, Tammy, just 5 years ago in the Salt Lake Temple. They loved each other more than anything, and with the birth of their daughter Danika this year, felt ready to take on the world. How quickly life changes, and it is up to each of us to decide how we will be affected. Bryce knew that. He chose to be strong. He chose to be happy.

Family was the most important thing to Bryce, as his family buoyed him and loved him through his darkest challenges. He owes so much of his accomplishments and joys to his father Roger, his mother Jeen, sister Jenni, and brothers Brady and Brian (deceased). Bryce wanted more than anything to attend Brady’s wedding to Ashley (Broderick) in just 3 weeks. He will be there, as all of us know. He was deeply loved by Tammy’s family: Dan and Marian Sellers, Holly and Clark (Chamberlain), Scott and Amy, and Steffani and Nic (Clark) who never considered him an in-law, but as part of the Sellers family. Bryce adored children, especially his nieces and nephew, McKenna, Ella, Addy, Isaac, Avery, Camryn and Brooklyn.

While we all mourn the loss of this remarkable man, we celebrate his life and his spirit, and will watch him live on in his daughter. Bryce’s personality was strong, and it was fun to see what he would “binge” on next. He loved “dogging” with his dad, until it was replaced by Porsches and auto crossing, which was replaced with golfing. Once upon a time, he was an avid mountain biker and skier, and played baseball. Bryce was smart, as everybody who attended school with him at Bountiful High (1992), University of Utah, and University of Phoenix would attest. He was working toward a business degree, which he utilized while working at Bintz Restaurant Supply.

Bryce believed in tissue donation, his wife’s passion and career, and became a donor as a final act of love for others. We all loved this big, strong, “doorway” of a man. A special thank-you goes to his friend Bishop Beattie, for visiting him every day without fail during his 100-day battle. Thanks to Dr. Gordon Watson and Dr. James Pearl for giving him the opportunity to fight this dreaded disease with all the determination he had to give. Thanks to the remarkable staff on East 8 at LDS Hospital and the loving staff at LDS Hospital radiation therapy for believing in the fight, taking care of his entire family, and shedding tears with his passing. Thanks to the staff at Discovery House, who loved him and saved his life 8 years ago.

Every tragedy offers a chance to change the world. I, Tammy Brown, will do my part to honor Bryce by joining the fight against melanoma. Stay away from tanning beds! Protect yourself from the sun! Have your moles checked! Melanoma is preventable, so don’t actively seek it. Melanoma kills.

A viewing will be held Monday, October 29^th, from 6-8 at Lindquist Mortuary in Bountiful, 727 N. 400 E.(Orchard Drive). Another viewing will be held Tuesday, October 30, from 9:45-10:45, followed by a funeral service to honor our fallen warrior at the Val Verda 9^th Ward Chapel in Bountiful, 3317 S. 800 W. from 9:45-10:45.This service is open to all of Bryce’s supporters. If you would like to donate, our cause is the Melanoma Research Foundation. Read about Bryce’s fight at www.brycedbrown.com. We will always love you, Brycey. “We’re Killing Cancer!”

I have been reading all the comments tonight, and I'm absolutely floored by the outpouring of love. Thank you thank you thank you!! What a hero my Brycey is, and I'm so glad he was loved by so many people.

I am so indebted to the loving medical staff that took care of us during the 100 days. Dr. Voldemort and Dr. Isotope believed in the fight, and they knew we wouldn't take "no" for an answer. They became emotionally involved as they saw how awesome Bryce is, and how determined we were to kill cancer. Thank you so much! I will be in your debt forever. Dr. T, thank you for your expertise and compassion during Bryce's last night. Dr. Isotope's staff was a group Bryce loved to see, even though the visits were so exhausting for him. You ladies are so great, and brought a silver lining to a dark cloud. Thank you for loving our family and being so excited to see us! Thank you for playing with Dani and making Bryce feel so comfortable! The pictures of Bryce and Dani on the machine at the office are in my kitchen. I love to look at them!!  A strong "thank you" goes out to IHC Home Health, especially Nancy, for all the support and visits. Finally, to the nurses, CNAs and social workers on East 8--I am humbled, grateful, and so glad to have been blessed with such a strong team of caregivers. Stephenie, you became such a good friend, and Bryce was always happy to see you. Thank you for being there when Bryce passed. Becky (the fastest blood at LDSH!!), Cami, Mariah, Wendy--you took such good care of us! Many of you were there for Bryce during his last moments, and I feel so grateful that Bryce had such caring, capable people surrounding him. We couldn't have made it without you. I hope to see you all again during happier circumstances! 

Bryce's funeral will be Tuesday, October 30, at 11:00. Everybody is invited, and I would love to see a large gathering of warriors there for Bryce. A viewing will be held Monday night from 6-8 at Lindquist Mortuary in Bountiful. There will also be a viewing before the funeral from 9:45-10:45. If you have orange "We're Killing Cancer" wristbands, wear them!

Lindquist Mortuary (Monday night): 727 North 400 East (Orchard Drive), Bountiful, UT, 84010 (click here for map)

Val Verda 9th Ward Chapel (Tuesday): 3317 South 800 West, Bountiful, UT, 84010 (click here for map)

100 days. It has been exactly 100 days since the diagnosis.Today I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, Dani’s daddy, and all semblance of a future I thought I knew. At 3:25 p.m., he took his last breath, and I felt him leave. I, always a skeptic, felt him leave. I feel empty, numb, exhausted, scared, and sorrow. It doesn’t feel real. 100 days.

Previous postings have revealed what we took to be good news—that his tumors had stopped growing. Bryce’s body continued to wither away while his tumors stayed the same. The feeding tube was something we both believed would give him an advantage over melanoma while the tumors had arrested. He started going downhill Wednesday morning, when he woke up and felt very nauseous. He was only semi-conscious all morning, requiring an increase in oxygen and moaning loudly in his sleep. During the afternoon, he threw up partially digested blood all over the place. I knew this was a bad sign, so I got the “crew” together to get Bryce downstairs, and I took him to LDS Hospital E.R. The doctor, Dr. T., decided to admit Bryce for a blood transfusion and medicine tweaking. Bryce threw up in his hospital room and aspirated some into his lungs. He didn’t have the strength to cough it out. Thus began his downward spiral. By noon today, it was apparent that the family should gather.

His last few hours were horrible to watch, as his body began to fail and Bryce didn’t want to quit. Some of his last words were, “We’re killing cancer.” He told me (mouthed to me through the oxygen mask) over and over that he loved me. Then he stopped breathing. I felt him leave. When he was gone, I called the eye bank and offered his eyes for research purposes, since nothing is transplantable due to metastatic cancer. It gives me a measure of purpose knowing that Bryce’s beautiful eyes will help develop new processes to give the gift of sight. I believe in donation, and I am so proud of Bryce.

Bryce’s dad and I will plan the funeral proceedings tomorrow, and I’m fairly certain it will be Tuesday morning in Bountiful, Utah. All are welcome to attend, and Bryce will be there also. I’ll post the details tomorrow after the plans are finalized.

I can’t even imagine that my Bryce is gone—it’s too hard and too painful to believe. As I lie here in my parents’ home, I hear the deafening silence which seems even more surreal. No oxygen machines, no heavy breaths, no Brycey. I am alone and I am so sad. Keep our families in your prayers.

Oh, my sweet Bryce…We’re Killing Cancer. Forever.

The problem with sending a digital image to another is that you never know just where it is going to end up.  Yes, that is a Costco sized tub of chocolate chip cookie dough.

I'm writing this entry from Bryce's hospital room during some point in the middle of some night. I don't know what day it is, but I'm pretty sure I heard it was October (Halloween happens to be my favorite day, so I'm pumped)! Amazing--life can charge ahead yet remain frozen at the same time. As for charging ahead, that would be Dani. She is doing the "stinkbug" crawl, where she sticks her cute little booty in the air and wiggles forward to reach her destination, which is usually something nasty that shouldn't be eaten. I must remember to remove all foreign particles from our floors. She is cute, demanding, starting to have separation anxiety, and loves to eat. Nine months--I don't remember months six through nine very well.

Bryce hasn't been eating because it's too exhausting, so he has lost all of his energy. He doesn't get out of bed much because it's too strenuous, so his muscles have wasted away. What a fun cycle. He has lost about 70 lbs since July. Be thankful for your muffin top--at least you can eat (how many times do I have to say that until I believe it?! Yeah, right!)! The docs have tossed around the idea of a feeding tube, but it sounded annoying and "last stage-ish", so we have avoided it. A few days ago, Dad and I let Bryce know how critical it was that he get adequate calories, and that a feeding tube was crucial--especially since Bryce couldn't get out of bed to go to his MRI appointment. We rescheduled the MRI and ordered the feeding tube for Friday (yesterday). I'm not sure Bryce was convinced he needed the tube until he got up to walk to the bathroom (located three feet from the foot of the bed) the other night. Matt and I were working on my computers in the kitchen (seriously, what a stud--and Stacey is a bigger stud for allowing him to be MIA as he selflessly maintains this site and my computers--don't edit this out, Matt!) when we heard a loud moan and THUD come from upstairs. We ran up to find Bryce passed out on the floor. I called Nic (my brother-in-law) to come help us, and the guys were able to lift Bryce to the bed. I ran through some tests and questions with Bryce to assess his mental status, and I felt confident that he fell because he was weak and malnourished, and not due to his brain tumors. The guys hung out with in our bedroom and chatted with Bryce until after midnight to make sure things were stable. Thanks, guys!! The same crew, along with Bryce's family,came over the next morning to help get Bryce out of the house and to the hospital for the scan and tube. They brought the wheelchair upstairs to the bed, lifted Bryce into the chair, and we all carried him down the stairs and to the car. Bedside service!

Bryce feels humiliated that he can't do these simple things right now, and it makes me feel guilty for taking my own energy and mobility for granted. He would do anything to be able to mow the lawn, go for a run, fix the stairs, reach things for me (I always ask him if I can borrow his "tall" and have him reach things), run errands, and change Dani's diapers. These are all things nobody really wants to do, but when you're not physically able...you get my point. Will this inspire/guilt me into exercising more and running more errands? Ummmmm....

We arrived at the hospital and played the waiting game. His MRI was first. The results? NO GROWTH!! The six brain tumors have just chilled out and not developed any new buddies during the past month, which none of us were expecting. Stable tumors are good news in my book right now! Dr. Isotope will cherry-pick those tumors next week using radiation surgery. Had the tumors grown or multiplied, brain surgery wouldn't have been a viable option. Woohoo! The Nexavar/Temodar chemotherapy treatment must be doing something. Bryce's blood was drawn (which took a small army, lots of needle sticks, and a brave Bryce--his $%#!! PICC lines never stay open), which revealed his hemoglobin was five (that's bad). Dr. Isotope said we could admit Bryce for a blood transfusion after the feeding tube placement and new PICC line insertion. The feeding tube placement was really cool--the staff let me come into the procedure room and watch. Poor Bryce was gagging and wretching as the tube was going up his nose and down the back of this throat, and the doc couldn't get it to thread past the stomach into the small intestine. He kept saying, "Bryce, think of your favorite food." The line kept coiling around in his stomach as Bryce gagged. The doc stopped and said, "Seriously, Bryce--what's your favorite food?" Bryce answered, "Ice cream",and suddenly *BLOOP* his duodenum popped open and the tube shot into his intestine. Ahhh, the power of suggestion. He does like his ice cream... Next came the PICC line, the admission to the oncology ward, the long speech regarding feeding tubes, and finally the blood was hung at night. The last bag just finished, and it's now morning. Thanks to Mom for keeping Dani. Thanks to Roger, Nate and Holly, who spent the majority of their day or night here with us. Especially thanks to Holly for bringing nachos and the Spongebob Operation game, and thanks to the nurse who tracked down a screwdriver so Holly and I could get the batteries installed for optimum noise and electrocution. We're awesome surgeons!

We'll go home today when Bryce feels strong enough to get out of bed. I can't wait to see Dani (the grandmas have had her for several nights) and to feed her and play with her! We're trying to figure out how to keep Dani from pulling the feeding tube out--it won't be easy. The good MRI news, the new blood, and new calories will hopefully get Bryce back on his feet and in fighting spirits once again. We were watching CSI:Miami the other night (Horatio cares), where a guy was trapped in a burning car. Bryce said, "I feel like that guy." Yep. That sucks.

On a really happy note, Jessi sent us our pictures! She made a beautiful album with 40 of our favorite photos, gave us a CD (in a satin-lined box) of all the photos, and created three purse-size photo albums for us and our parents. She sent a hand-made card with our family photo on the front, with a note inside thanking us for the opportunity to do this. She thanked us!?! What a classy, selfless, remarkable person! Remember, she didn't know us when she did the photo shoot, and she wouldn't accept any payment. People are GOOD. Check out our photo shoot at www.jessistringham.com/brown, and help us repay Jessi by booking her for your own photo shoot! Thanks, Jessi (and Julie and Topher Steadman)!!! Another happy note will occur next week when my dear friend Reed will fly to SLC and spend an evening shooting video and interviewing Bryce. Reed has offered to create a beautiful video tribute for us, containing advice to Dani from her daddy, photos, and other surprises. I can't wait to see him!!

Thanks for commenting--Bryce truly loves hearing them!! Keep it up! 

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted. I managed to fry my internet connection (I swear it was the power surge!!!), which apparently was no surprise to Matt, my blogmeister. He seems to think that I break everything with a hard drive. He’s right. Thank you, Matt, for updating everybody last night, and for spending so much time helping us!

I last posted on Tuesday, right before the hospice nurse came in to draw Bryce’s blood for testing. We found out Wednesday that we had to go in for a blood transfusion the next morning, as Bryce’s hematocrit was 17. (That’s really bad.) Holly took Dani Wednesday night so we could get up and go. We arrived at the hospital at 09:00, and they hung the first bag at 14:30. I guess that’s pretty good, compared to what we have been through previously. The blood was finished at 04:00 the next day, and I had snuggled into my 4” spot in the hospital bed with Bryce and fallen asleep. The nurse let us sleep until 7, when we woke up and fled. Hospitals are not cool about sleeping arrangements, so we were outta there. We went straight home and fell asleep, woke up late that night to eat some Cheetos, and fell asleep until the next afternoon. Woohoo!! Holly, thanks for keeping Dani for so long—we love you so much! Bryce should have felt awesome after having 4 bags of PRBC’s (again, thanks to all the donors who donated blood in Bryce’s name), but instead he felt really sick. Our guess is that he felt that way because he went a few days without eating, since his lethargy was much worse after the transfusion.

Good news—Bryce had a chest x-ray during the transfusions, and the results were great! The tumor on his heart has responded well to the radiation and has shrunk in size. The tumors in his lungs appear to have stayed the same since his last chest x-ray a month ago. Given the rate at which the tumors were growing, it’s a miracle that they have slowed, and it’s a bigger miracle that he’s still alive. He has an MRI tomorrow to check out the tumor growth in his brain. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers! All of this hospice care vs. aggressive treatment has confused our nurses and the insurance company. Figuring out the bills will be FUN.

Tonight has been a miserable night for Bryce. He is exhausted and can’t keep any food down. He broke down and told me how he feels like a useless, pointless lump because he can’t get out of bed, prepare his medications or food, and he can’t pick up his daughter. I told him that he wouldn’t think of me as useless if I were in his situation, but it didn’t make him feel any better. Reading him the awesome posts many of you have made the past few days (while we were internetless) lifted his spirits a bit. I think he forgets how much he is loved and how much he means to our little family and many others. I wish I could do something to make him feel better, but I don’t know what else to say. The most amazing part of this ordeal is that Bryce hasn’t complained very much. How many of us could face a disease of this magnitude and the horrible side effects with so much dignity and courage? When I have a headache, haven’t slept, and I’m frustrated with life, I think of my brave, tough husband—whining isn’t an option. What a stud.

I have a lot of time (at night) to ruminate and put things into perspective. My job drives my thought processes a lot also. I am in the tissue donation field. When a person dies and has consented to donate their organs, eyes or tissues (please tell me you all have a big fat “YES” on your drivers licenses!!! MORE IMPORTANTLY, SHARE YOUR DECISION WITH YOUR FAMILY!!!), my team steps in. For many years, I have been part of the team that actually recovers the skin, bone and soft tissues from the heroes who choose to donate. I have contacted family members of people who passed away just minutes before to discuss donation, I have processed the tissue into transplantable grafts, and I have trained the teams of incredible people who have made this field their passion. Currently, my job is to be available 24/7 to answer questions about donor suitability. I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do, and I feel so blessed to be a part of this field. One thing I have learned is that nobody can predict when his or her life will end. So many people get into their cars to go to work, school or vacation and never come home. Sometimes it happens without warning during the night, or while watching TV. Others suffer through disease and pain, knowing the end is in sight. Nobody is exempt. How many of us are ready? Bryce and I have had the opportunity, as unfortunate as the past three months have been, to prepare for the inevitable. We have become more spiritual, as the reality of where we are now and where we are going sinks in. Certain movies and TV shows are distant memories, because they don’t invite the appropriate spirit into our home. Each day ends in prayer together, as we thank the Lord for all that we have been blessed with, and we plead for the strength to be GOOD people. We have prepared our wills and attempted to straighten out our finances, and have begun to secure Danika fiscally. How many of us screw up because it’s fun and feels good, regardless of the consequences of our actions? How many of us treat others in a manner which we would be furious or hurt if we were treated the same way? Were any of you a jerk to a family member or friend today, hurt somebody, cheated on your mate, stolen from somebody—the list is endless. How about “little” things, like driving like an idiot, giving somebody the cold shoulder, planting lettuce seeds in somebody’s immaculate flower bed (remember that, H.?)or forking somebody’s lawn (my apologies to you-know-who in 1992 ;)? Would you have done that if you knew your life would end tonight? My guess would be NO. I challenge you—no, I DARE you—to act as if today could be your last day. Forgive a grudge. Help a stranded motorist. Make a new friend, and stay close to the friends you already have (guilty!). Forget about “status”. Love one another! Keep your family intact. Be NICE—it goes pretty far!! Remember that life is short, and not worth feeling angry or depressed. Live each day with dignity and hope. We are ALL blessed with opportunity—what will you make of it? My sister said something to me the other day that really made me think—“Helping others is great, but how many of us would truly inconvenience ourselves to assist somebody else?”

On that note, THANK YOU to everybody who has gone out of their way to help our family. We feel blessed to be the recipients of great meals, beautiful flowers (Katie!!), babysitting, visitors, donations, prayers, messages and love. Keep the posts coming!!!! Also, if you haven't had a chance, check out our photo shoot at www.jessistringham.com/brown, and be sure to help us repay Jessi by booking her for your own photos!

Here are some pictures of Steffani and I playing on the scooter with our kids

Bryce and Tammy are truly a unique couple.  For as long as I have known them they have exhibited an energy and enthusiasm for life that few can match.  Over the last couple of months I have come to learn that Tammy also carries with her a certain amount of negative energy that can break down any electronic device.  Blackberry phones, laptop computers, and DSL routers are no match for Tammy.  She will push each device to the point of failure.  I have considered recommending her to lead up a software testing team where I work but she likes her current employer and job too much

Tonight was no exception as their house sustained a power surge.  The house went black for a second and then the power was back on.  Everything seemed fine until Tammy went to view todays comments from the blog.  To make a boring story short her DSL was whacked by the surge and has left Tammy disconnected from the internet world.  And yes they do have surge protectors in their home.  I'm sure her parents would argue that it's a good thing so that she can get some rest but I'm willing to bet that she has pulled out a set of screw drivers and dismantled the router by now looking for any sign of burnt wiring that she can solder back together.

Unfortunately for you, I get left with the responsibility of updating you on their status.  Tammy can add the colorful details later but essentially Bryce went in for a scheduled blood transfusion on Thursday along with some additional tests and follow-up.  A simple trip to the hospital for you or I is a monumental challenge for Bryce.  Friday and Saturday proved to be recovery days for both Bryce and Tammy but today he expressed that he is starting to feel better (relatively speaking) since the transfusion.

I just spent an hour and a half with Bryce—just us, talking and smiling until he drifted off to sleep a few minutes ago (or 2 1/2 hours ago, based on when I finished this post). He finished dictating his golf post, which we have spent about two minutes writing each night since the tournament (his post follows this one--make sure you see it!). I cherish these moments with Bryce, as they have become few and far between. People have asked me what a typical day is like for us, as I have shifted from wife and best friend to caregiver, which apparently is typical for situations like ours. I get up in the morning to Dani’s babbling, then stick her in bed with Bryce while I prepare her bottle, Bryce’s mango juice, Airborne and daily medications. I feed her and play with her while Bryce gathers enough strength to take his meds and make the exhausting 8-foot trek to the loo. His Jamba Juice usually arrives at this point (thanks, Rog!!), followed by Dani’s morning nap (which is getting shorter by the day—not cool!!). This is when I shower, change and throw my hair back (friends and family will shrink in horror when they hear that I have actually done my hair and makeup about FIVE times since July 18!! Yep, me—Miss High Maintenance. The MAC counter must be having withdrawals from me!! I’m so nasty. My sisters must he appalled.). Dani wakes up after 45 minutes and wants to eat. This is when we receive our daily visit from Bishop B., which we LOVE. (Thanks for all the Dani duty you have pulled, by the way—you must be an awesome grandpa!) Nurses, friends, family, etc. follow closely behind, followed by Dani’s nap, when I try to get a few things done. Bryce sleeps when there’s a lull in the action. I answer work calls randomly throughout the day. More family, friends and well-wishers arrive sporadically. (Don’t get me wrong—we love our visitors! I’m just illustrating an average day.) Dinner comes, which Bryce usually eats in bed while I take care of Dani. Occasionally I have a chance to run a few errands while somebody stays with my little family. (Aak!! I forgot to buy ant traps!) Dani goes to bed, we visit with loved ones, Bryce falls asleep, I join him at midnight, I stay up half the night with my thoughts. Of course, my thoughts always lead to action, which involves getting up and researching. This is also when I pillage the snack bin. Mmmmm….the snack bin…. my chocolate, sugar-coated, nocturnal fourth meal. Or first meal. Whatever. There you have it—a day in the life of the Brown family. Chocolate Brown…

Bryce is doing well, despite everything. We had a scare this weekend when he developed some pretty intense chest pain, but it is most likely referred pain from the cancerous vertebrae and ribs. He and I were scared, but once Dad explained his theory (which has been seconded by Dr. Isotope), we calmed down and Bryce took some ibuprofen to lessen the referred pain. It worked. His nausea and energy level have stayed fairly constant for several weeks, which we choose to believe is a good sign! It has been almost two weeks since his last blood transfusion, and he isn’t white as a sheet—he’s very pale, but he’s not quite to the linens stage. The hospice nurse will draw blood tomorrow (hopefully) to check his red count, among other things. Now that there’s a ton more blood available, thanks to many of you, any future transfusions won’t even dent the supply. Bryce went without his oxygen for about 10 minutes today before he realized it wasn’t blowing (I know—I don’t get it either ;). While that would have been a tragic situation a month ago, he maintained adequate saturation levels without his O2. Woohoo! Knock on wood knock on wood knock on wood…..

The past weekend was AWESOME. My Uncle Robbie and Aunt Kathleen flew to the SLC just to visit us. I haven’t had many opportunities to get to know them, as life and distance have gotten in the way. I know, that’s a pretty weak excuse. This disease has kicked a lot of us into action and opened our eyes to what really matters in life—our loved ones--and it’s better now than never! We had more than 30 years on which to catch up, which was FUN! Bryce and Rob “clicked”, and Bryce keeps talking about their great conversations. They helped with Dani, with housework, and with our morale. Bryce’s family took Dani overnight, which gave us a lot of time to kick back and talk. Kathleen bought Dani the cutest little outfits (12 months!!!)—thank you SO much! Dani adores Uncle Rob, and she just stared at him and smiled. They brought us a gift from Mel Mel and Unkie Jimmy—a salt shaker with a bold label, “FOR KILLING CANCER”. Awesome. Thanks! It was great on my fries today…(my nutritional deficit is getting pretty scary). We met their cute friend Scotty, who proved the “small world” theory again and again. Robbie and Kathleen, we love you a TON! We can’t wait to hang out again!! Stay strong! We also had a couple of special little visitors a few times over the weekend—Matt’s (Blogmaster) little boys, who are cute, smart, and big fans of Bryce! They loved my collection of crocodiles, which endeared them to me instantly. And vice versa. I got them amped on chocolate each time—sorry, Stacey! We love that family!!

We had an interesting experience Sunday night. We received a phone call from a complete stranger (a sweet, compassionate, smart man!) who had seen the news story about Bryce. He was moved by the story, and felt inspired to drive two hours to find us and share with us his nutritional supplement, in which he truly believes. We were skeptical yet intrigued. He gave us a month’s supply and told us to pray about whether Bryce should take it. Of course, I stayed up researching the ingredients. It seems safe, and given the randomness of the situation, we may be remiss if we shun this man’s spiritual promptings. I’ll keep everybody posted.

Lastly, and I boldly bold this for good reason, I posted about the photographer who came to our home last week and took photos of our family. Our friends, the Steadmans, sent her to us out of the goodness of their hearts. Thanks, Toph and Julie!! Jessi, the photographer, sent us the web address to our photo shoot. She has graciously allowed all of our readers access to our photo shoot, which everybody should check out! Her pictures are BEAUTIFUL! She is compiling an album for us, free of charge. Not only is this a selfless act of kindness, but she donated her time, equipment, and money for a couple of strangers. What a remarkable woman!! I will put out the call to everybody—when you want exceptionally beautiful photographs taken (or hideous photos--I'm sure she'll humor you!), please use Jessi! We would love to repay her somehow, and generating business is one small way we can do this. You won’t be disappointed!! Go to www.jessistringham.com/brown to view all the pictures. If you want to see the condensed version, go to www.jessistringham.com/familiesareforever. Let me know what you think!! We were moved to tears, and I know many of you will be.

Dictated by Bryce:

WOW. Friday’s golf tournament exceeded all hopes and expectations. Both Tammy and I were moved by the generosity of both friends and strangers, and can’t find the words to thank you all. I want to throw out special props to Jared, Darrin, Cody and Danny for arranging the whole thing. It was great to see some of the faces I have been hearing from on the blog. I was glad to see Alex L. out there, just weeks after the tragic loss of his dad to cancer. The weather made a special effort to hold out for us. It had just started to rain as they were wheeling me out the door of our home. For me, one of the highlights was seeing Travis A.’s three little clones at the raffle. His daughter and two sons were a riot to watch running after Jason "Julio" in their Bears jerseys, and chasing after each other with Tammy’s pen that looks like a severed finger.

Sounds like I was well represented by my brother’s team who took last place. Way to protect the family name, Brady! (I’ll just tell everybody you probably didn’t have enough money to buy any mulligans--at least that’s the excuse I’m going with.) It was good to see Wooz win a new putter. I hear his putting game could use some work.

We are so grateful to Rob L. and his unexpected generosity. We were absolutely speechless! Thanks also to Matt for coming to take pictures, and to Bountiful Ridge for use of the facility. Now I just want to say how much I love you guys and how glad I am that we have been able to bring this old group of friends together again. It’s sad that it took cancer to do so, but it is awesome to see the old group together. Not a lot has changed—they have either swollen or shrunk….no, mostly swollen. The old friendships just slide back in, like a hand in a glove. We shouldn’t have to wait for horrible events to occur to reconnect with old friends. It would have been great to have spent the past 15 years hanging out with my friends and getting to know their families, but we all let life get in the way. I will be aware of this in the future.

I really do love and appreciate you guys. It has been so uplifting to have you back in my life. Hopefully I will be the 1% who beats this melanoma and I’ll be out there on the course with you for the second annual Brown Ryce Golf Tourney, putting for melanoma research (our future charity)!

I'm so busy and overwhelmed today, my head is spinning. A new post is coming soon (today)--I promise. Keep checking...

We can’t believe how many people have commented the past two days! Thank you so much! Please keep it up, friends and family! Bryce has loved hearing each post, especially the memories and jokes! It would still be nice to hear from my work friends, though—a few have commented frequently, but there are many others who have been part of my “family” for the past 5 years, and I miss you all!

Bryce is doing the same, except his leg (his entire lateral left thigh) keeps switching from numb to extreme pins and needles. His pain level was a ‘9’ today for much of the afternoon, which made me cry! We have no idea what is doing this—is it his spinal column, his brain tumors, a tumor in his leg, or a tumor wrapped around a nerve? Who knows? His oxygen levels are steady, which we think is a good sign. The junk food bin is still full, as I’m the only one dipping into it. Bryce’s appetite is still nil.

Dani is still teething, which makes her really fussy in the evenings. She wants to be held ALL the time lately, so I’m getting pretty buff ;) I was reading her a story yesterday, and she reached out and turned the pages of the book with gusto! She also did the army crawl toward her favorite toy—daddy’s oxygen tubing. I love love love that little girl!

Our good friends the Steadmans sent a photographer to our house tonight to take photos of the three of us together. What a blessing to have such wonderful friends! The photo shoot went great, until Dani spit up her pureed pears down the front of my shirt. The photographer was amazing, and Papa Rog spent the whole time dancing around behind her, trying to get Dani to smile. Tee hee!! I’ll post some pictures when they’re done. We can’t wait!

Jared has informed me that 40 people have signed up for the golf tournament!! This is an amazing outpouring of support, and one that has touched Bryce deeply. I will be bringing Bryce to the Bountiful Ridge Golf Course clubhouse at around 2 to visit with everybody and check out the raffle. If you couldn’t make it to the golf part, please show up to say ‘hi’ and join the group of rock stars who have devoted their day to Bryce. Someday I’d like to do something similar, with all proceeds going to melanoma research. This disease is so prevalent, insidious and really freakin’ scary. This is my wake-up call to do MORE; to turn this nightmare into something wonderful. I have a great example in my dad, who travels the world with Operation Smile to give children a chance at life through surgically fixing birth defects. I always wondered how I could make a difference like that without his level of training. Now I know that I can, and YOU can, and if we all unite for good, we can all create miracles. How can we do this? I challenge you to post your ideas, whether magnanimous or minute!!

We have been the beneficiaries of countless acts of kindness—people have brought us meals, arranged for massages, given me a pedicure, donated towards our medical bills (wow), mowed the lawn, babysat Dani, visited us, sent flowers, chocolate and fruit, had their moles checked, gone in for their annual physicals, brought meals and treats to our parents, prayed for our family, fasted, built and maintained a beautiful new website, created memories via sculpture and photography, AlloSource has kept my job safe and allowed me to do enough to keep my mind sharp as I take care of my husband, others have sent us notes of encouragement and love…all of it has been truly humbling, thoughtful and amazing. Each of these things have been important and have benefited both sides of the charitable act. We have wanted to be better people as a result of this outpouring of love, and the “pay it forward” concept is real and true! So what can we all do for each other and our fellow brothers and sisters? Service! Service is love, and love is everything. Take somebody to run their errands. Stop to help the stranded motorist. Give a buck to somebody in need. Send a note of gratitude. Take somebody’s kids or dogs for a walk. Donate blood. Pull a nasty weed. Tell someone when their fly is down. Tell somebody you love them—especially if you know them ;) Donate your used things to charity. Read some of the stories posted by others with this disease, and give them your support and a listening ear. Recycle. Truly listen to others when they are talking. Smile more often. The last time we were at the hospital, the social worker brought in an adorable blanket and told me it was for Dani, made by an anonymous person—how amazing is that? What else can we do? Start commenting!

 

 

WE HAVE NOT GIVEN UP. I have been asked many times the past few days whether Bryce has given up, purely based on the fact that we have decided to involve hospice in Bryce’s healthcare. Hospice has connotations involving imminent death or surrendering to disease. Not true. Home health care nurses have been coming to our home each week to change Bryce’s dressings and take vitals, and this is no different. The hospice nurse will do the same thing, only monitor Bryce’s pain better (he’s in a lot of pain and has lost feeling in his leg) and assist our family with other aspects of this disease process. He is still on chemo, he is still fighting, and we still have hope. Dr. Isotope is still involved, Dr. Voldemort is on standby for lung-related issues, and I am spending the night shift searching for new treatments. While hoping for a miracle, we are also realists who understand the need for care beyond what I can give. I repeat—WE HAVE NOT GIVEN UP!

Most of you haven’t seen Bryce since this began, nor even met him. You also haven’t seen our home. Let me paint a picture…Bryce is a tall, big guy. He’s 6’4 and just BIG. Somebody from his work calls him “Doorway”, because he fills one. He’s happy, friendly, chatty (there are no uncomfortable silences with Bryce—he’ll talk your ear off), he makes friends instantly, has great teeth, truly cares about others, and has gotten angry with me once. He is hot all the time and keeps our home at a balmy 60 degrees (until Dani was born. Now it’s 70.). He LOVES Dani, and does the “Daddy Dance” where he holds her in front of him and lunges from side to side saying, “The Daddy Dance The Daddy Dance The DADDY. DANCE.” She giggles and smiles and loves her daddy. Bryce binges on things. His addictive personality leads him to focus solely on one thing, until something else completely replaces it. For instance, he binged on his car—he bought a street car and turned it into an autocross car. At the peak of his autocrossing, he fell in love with golf and sold his car. Golfgolfgolfgolf. We went to a movie, and during the climax of the film he leaned over and asked me whether he should get his clubs regripped. He has binged on reading, me, strawberry shortcake, and now Dani. He loves to be in the middle of the action. He loves fantasy novels, bottled water and dogs. He hates mowing the lawn (thanks, Nic!!!), mushrooms and vegetables. He adores me and treats me like his queen.

Bryce’s friends came over last night and shared some hilarious stories, and Bryce just sat there and smiled. He called it a night early and fell asleep instantly. This is the new Bryce. He is weak, tired, gaunt and quiet. He can’t pick up his baby. He gets out of bed to walk to the bathroom, and that’s about it. He is too tired to read, he can’t concentrate on the TV, and he doesn’t have the strength to do anything else. He sleeps. And sleeps. There are two oxygen concentrators in our bedroom floor that are the size of window AC units, and just as loud. The concentrators have 60 feet of tubing attached, which is snaked through our house and ends up on Bryce’s face. He carries a pack with him which contains IV fluids, which travel up his arm into his PICC line. I take care of the lines daily by flushing them with saline and heparin. A green bucket is next to the bed, which is full of medications. Next to that is the snack bin. A shower chair sits at the foot of the bed for visitors (I know, it’s pretty ghetto.). At the bottom of the stairs in the front room stand two R2D2 units, or what look like R2. They are huge liquid oxygen tanks, about 3 ½ feet high. They leak water all over the wood floor. Tubing is attached to these units and travels up the stairs, along with the other tubes. A face mask is at the other end, which Bryce wears at night. It delivers pure oxygen. Half a dozen green oxygen tanks (they look like SCUBA tanks) line the wall of the living room, some in carts, waiting for excursions to the doctor. When we do leave the house, it is a major project. We have to unhook Bryce’s IV lines to change his clothes, slowly walk downstairs, rest for a few minutes, change his oxygen from the concentrators to the green tanks, load the wheelchair and extra tanks into the car, and slowly walk Bryce, his IV pack, and oxygen tank to the car. This doesn’t include getting a baby ready. The trek is exhausting for Bryce. I’m not complaining, I’m illustrating.

The best part of the day is when we snuggle together during Dani’s morning nap and watch The Price is Right. Before and after that, I’m busy with the baby (she has been extremely clingy, wanting to be held ALL THE TIME—I wonder whether she senses something???), the house, calls for work, the visitors, and aspects of life that cannot be ignored. Bryce sleeps. Another highlight is at night after I put Dani to bed, when I read the comments from this website to him. He loves hearing the messages, and he loves hearing the names of the readers. Lately, the posts have dwindled—Bryce hears the few messages and says, “Is that it??” I implore each of you to keep sending messages to Bryce! Send him encouragement, send him jokes, send him memories, send him gossip, send him prayers! He doesn’t care whether you have Spellcheck or have something earth-shatteringly poignant to relay. He just needs to feel like he is still part of life, and he needs to feel like Bryce.

It hurts so much to see my big, strong, protective love of my life victimized so harshly by this disease. The role reversal from protected to protector has been hard, because I can see that Bryce wants so badly to scoop me into his arms and make the hurt go away. Guilt trips are normal, as I constantly remind myself to quit feeling sad and afraid because Bryce is suffering the most. I am also honored to be his caregiver, wife, and mother of his daughter. Please keep praying for Bryce! We need the prayers more than ever. Thanks to everyone who has decided to golf for Bryce this Friday, especially Bryce's friends who set up the tournament and the donations. We are humbled by this unsolicited act of friendship, support and love.

WEAR SUNBLOCK. GET YOUR ANNUAL PHYSICALS. ESCHEW TANNING BEDS. HELP US FIGHT THIS BATTLE AGAINST CANCER!!!