Plan B
Qwest’s DSL issues are really getting on my nerves. I had to speak to tech support in India who called a coworker in the Phillipines, etc., to figure out why I have gone without internet for a few weeks. The new hardware and software arrived today, but not even my local techno-hero, Matt, could make it work. Qwest still hasn’t figured it out on their end. Please excuse the sporadic updates until I get my internet worked out. Also, my laptop (which belongs to my company—thanks, AlloSource, for allowing me to use this computer!!) has many fatal errors that randomly shut down the machine. When my finances are stable, I should invest in my own laptop.
As we are very well aware, we have virtually run out of options for Bryce. The Dartmouth protocol didn’t shrink the tumors, but the radiation did shrink Larry a little. (Right under Christine’s coin!) Bryce is still very tired and nauseous, but he is on the upswing. He is getting so thin, which is alarming to me and exciting for him. As he has no appetite, I have to keep reminding him that this is not a diet plan, and that he needs to eat as much as he can. Cancer is like a fetus, and will take the nutrients it needs from the healthy surrounding tissue. Chocolate Boost drinks are his only source of nutrition. Bryce reminds me that I need to eat also, but I’m not too worried about myself right now.
Bryce had a blood transfusion on Friday, which seems to have helped his energy level. His color is better, too. He was so worried that he would end up in the hospital again, and was wary of the transfusion. The process lasted about 9 hours, but he was able to come home and sleep in our bed. (We saw our neighbors, The Wrights, after Luke was born. Congratulations!) Thank you John Barlow for taking Bryce to the hospital and loitering with him most of the day! Bryce loves having you around and is so glad to have you in his life again. I was manhandled into having my hair done Friday at noon (faded red hair with blonde roots IS pretty ghetto, but I feel guilty and pointless even putting on mascara lately. Does that make sense?), so I missed part of the transfusion day. (More props to Paul at Salon Keiji—I love my hair!! You always know exactly what I need!)
We have had some time to think and formulate Plan B, which is completely contingent upon Bryce’s health during the next two weeks. The other known melanoma drug, Interleukin 2 (IL2), was initially supposed to be part of Bryce’s original chemo cocktail along with Interferon. These two drugs were originally removed from the protocol due to the condition of Bryce’s heart and lungs. Some major side effects of the drugs could very easily have killed Bryce during treatment. Since the current chemotherapy isn’t doing anything, the only Plan B we have is adding IL2 despite his odds of surviving the treatment. If we do nothing, Bryce’s days are numbered. If we do IL2, Bryce will feel like crap yet his days are “most likely” numbered. Neither the Utah specialists nor Dr. Gonzales feel like it is worth it to try IL2.
Our reaction to a plan with those odds was flat-out refusal. I’m sure my dad saw 254 missed calls on his cell phone when he checked it later that afternoon. By the next morning, Dad had spoken to every doctor involved with Bryce’s care, and he included Dr. Samlowski in the discussions. Dr. Samlowski was Utah’s melanoma specialist until early this summer when he took a position in Las Vegas. I spoke with Dr. Samlowski six weeks ago when this all began, and he pointed us toward Denver, since there are no melanoma specialists here anymore. When Dr. Isotope seconded the motion, we were set.
My dad explained the latest situation to Dr. Samlowski, and found a possible alternative to Plan B. Dr. Samlowski is working on some drugs right now for late stage cancer, which are in clinical trials. He is willing to bring Bryce to Las Vegas to participate in the trial, but Bryce must be one month out of chemotherapy before he can start the next protocol. That is in 2 weeks. Bryce MUST stay healthy for two weeks! It sounds doable, but last time he was between treatments and starting to feel better, his cancer grew back quickly and he ended up coughing up blood. Then there’s the issue of transport. How would we get him to Vegas? A six hour car ride through the desert? I don’t think a commercial airliner would allow his oxygen onboard. We’ll figure out the details when the day approaches.
This new plan has given us all renewed hope. Even if the medication will extend Bryce’s life for a couple of months, those months will be priceless to our family. Dani loves her daddy so much, and having a little more time to grab his nose, pull on his beard and play with his mouth will be wonderful for both father and daughter.
I am slowly getting the message through to some people about the negative effects of Mr. Sunshine. I dragged my dear friend Beth to the doctor to have a mole biopsied (no results yet), and my sisters and friends are eschewing the sun! One of my favorite teenagers has moved toward spray tanning—a miracle in itself. This is part of my mission. It will be a very meaningful act of love toward my sweet husband. Perhaps other melanoma warriors will join this fight. WE’RE KILLING CANCER!!!
Hi, this is Bryce. I have been watching Tammy type the blog tonight, and I felt like I needed to add something. I just want to thank everyone for all their support. Everyone from Christine and Suzan with their many tokens of love, to all the doctors who have been working so hard to find a solution to this tough problem, to my caretakers. Cheese sandwich, baby. I felt pretty strong today. I’m going to do everything possible to keep my strength up for the next two weeks so it won’t become an issue for getting me to Las Vegas. Thanks again for all of your prayers and love.
As I am going through this trial, it has become clearer to me how easy it is for us to allow small issues to become big problems in our lives. Having one giant problem to focus on has really helped me to realize what is important—the love of my family and friends. Thank you for that love, and please keep the prayers coming. We’re all going to make a miracle.
25 Comments So Far!
Mike just came in and woke me up to read the new addition to the blog. I am happy to hear about new plan of attack. I pray that it works and that Dani and you can have Bryce here longer!!
I have attempted to write on this blog various times throughout this ordeal but haven't been able to find the right words. Maybe just a simple we love you will do. I pray that you will yet be able to see your niece who is now three months old. Hang in there and we'll pray that this clinical trial will be just the ticket.
Love,
Your brother in Illinois.
Tammy and Bryce, I just want to let you know that we are with you in spirit. We love you so much and are pulling for you. I am so glad that you are keeping us all up-dated. Everyone from Valerie, in Ephraim, who always says, "I love Bryce, he is so cool", to Katy, who stole one of the bracelets so she could wear it, to Patty and Bradley who read your blog and cry and pray and hug their kids, we all love you. Hang in there. Bob and I pray for you all day long. Keep smiling. You're awesome. Love, Gerry
You two are so amazing, an inspiration to us all.
I hope Bryce stays healthy over the next two weeks so he's able to make it to Vegas.
Bryce is the 1%!
Tammy,
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!! Keep up the fight!!!! You are truly amazing! I am continually in awe at the pillar of strength you are. Thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!!!! Not only are you dong everything in your power to save the life of your sweetheart, but you are doing soooooo much to save the lives of all of us! Who would have thought that hearing the words,"Mom, I'm going to get a spray tan." would bring tears to my eyes and an overwhelming sence of joy to my heart!
Thank you for your unquenchable spirit, your inspiriring selflessness, your immense patients and your pure and humble faith. You are such a valiant spirit. YOU are truly a beautiful daughter of our Heavenly Father both inside and out! I am honored to know you and be counted among your friends. My life is richly blessed by having you a part of it!
I plead for you daily, think of you continually and pray for you unceasingly. May the Lord continue to be your constant companion and bless you with the strength, courage and wisdom you need to endure this trial well.
I love you, my dear friend! You are never alone!
Always and forever, Beth:)
I have been following your blog via MPIP - you are both very inspriring.
You should try www.aircharitynetwork.org or call them at 877-621-7177
May God Bless.
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
The Saints in San Diego, Saint George, Merida Mexico, and Santiago Chile are praying for you too.
Tammy, thank you for your sweet and Spirit-filled words Sunday. We keep your family in our prayers.
Love,
Marian and Sally
Tammy and Bryce,
I don't even know what to say!!! I am in awe with you both. Tammy it is good that Bryce is at least getting the Boost drinks in him. Please Please make sure you are eating and getting rest as well. You should also consider giving a call to Dr. Argawala and doing a phone consultation to see what his advice night be. He is a world known Melanoma specialist too. If you need his contact info let me know.
I love you both dearly and Tammy please call me if you need anything!!
Bryce and Tammy--
We read the blog often. We've been out of town the past several days, leaving again in the morning, but in between we check on you, and want you to know that we send our love, and add out prayers. Your courage strengthens all of us.
Kim and Susan
Bryce & Tammy...
It was so good to talk with both of you today, even if it was just briefly. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Less than 2 weeks to go before Vegas....You can do it, Bryce!! We all believe in you!
Hi Tammy and Bryce,
I spoke with your mom this morning, (Marian,) my sister, and I asked her to give you both a hug from me. I love you both so much and I am praying for you both. Your strength inspires me and I am so impressed with the love you have for each other. Also the love of so many friends, family, and strangers. Almost everyone that I have spoken to and shared your story has said they will pray for you. Tammy, I love the bracelets you had made. I know that cost you a lot of money. How can we order more bracelets and share in the cost? I would like to contribute and would love for my kids to have one. I wear it with pride and make sure that eveyone knows the importance of wearing sunscreen and/or avoiding the sun as much as possible. Tammy, thank you for sharing the blog. You are an incredible woman with tremendous strength. I wish I could be there to help. Bryce, I love you, you big teddy bear of a man. I've never seen a happier couple. Give little Dani a kiss for me. Love, Aunt Barbara
I've been following your story through the MPIP board. I'm old enough to be your mom and all I can say is your parents must be so proud of the both of you. You two are showing a wisdom and maturity far beyond your years. You've had to face things that no one your age should have to face and shown great courage through it all. I'm so glad to know that you have such a great support system in place. The love you share is seldom seen in today's world. Having said all that, know that it's ok to be scared. True courage is not the absence of fear; it's taking action in the face of it. You two are simply amazing and I wish you the very best. Know that there are so many people out there that you don't even know who are praying for you. Count me in as one of your admirers who is sending you prayers and all the strength I can muster up. Stay strong and keep the faith. All my very best.
Hi Tammy,
I am very glad your internet is up again. I look forward to your comments. Good luck with the trip to Las Vegas. Tell Bryce to do whatever it takes to get healthy over the next two weeks. We all love you and think of you daily.
Lauri P.
I am so happy to see an update! I check your blog several times a day every day. Bryce, I know you can make it for two weeks in order to get to Vegas. I am really pulling for you! Tammy, make sure that you are taking time to take care of yourself as well. You guys are so inspiring. You never cease to amaze me. I am hoping for all the best for you and your family, Bryce.
My husband and I both have an appointment with our new dermatologist in October. You have brought awareness into our lives and have made me realize how important it is to be vigilant. You have also made me realize that you never know when someone you love can be taken away from you. My heart goes out to all of you, baby Dani included. You have such a beautiful family. Please let me know if I can do anything to help.
Much love,
Leslie
Tammy,
I'm in DC...I see you called me but can't access my voice mail. When I get back to Florida, I will get my messages. You are loved.
Reed
Hey guys I herd something last night that is so true and i wanted to share it with you "sometimes 1 is bigger than 99" I know you can do It Bryce and Tammy I know you can help him do it. Hope is what gives everything life NEVER GIVE UP. please let me know if there is anything I can do for the three of you.
much love to all of you
Laurie
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
You're now both being prayed for in Apia Samoa, Papeete Tahiti, Hamilton New Zealand, and Los Angeles California. The Island Saints have great faith. We're praying especially for your next two weeks.
Take care, both of you.
Love,
Marian and Sally
We love you and are praying for you like crazy! Love, your Philly Phriends
I have been following your blog for the last week and can't seem to get through it without tears in my eyes. Our hearts go out to you. I just want you to know that JL and I both have been keeping Bryce and your family in our prayers.
We definately agree with you that "cancer sucks". We go in tomorrow to Primary's to have surgery done on Samantha to remove as much of her tumor as possible and see if there is any remaining live tissue left. It is a risky surgery and it scares us to death, but what else can you do except have faith and know that Heavenly Father loves her.
I just want to thank you for the strength and hope and sense of humor that you have displayed in your blog entries. Even the ones that have grim news you still are able to keep your sense of humor alive. Your courage has been very inspiring to me and I'm sure to many others who struggle with cancer in their lives. You are a strong women and I'm sure that Bryce thanks Heavenly Father every day for having such a wonderful woman by his side.
Don't give up hope and keep fighting!!!!!!!!
The Stayner Family
Tammy,
I was reading your blog and I agree with the trip to vegas. I would like to offer to transport you guys to vegas in a nice motorhome where bryce can lay down and relax. Just let me know if that would help.
I've said this to you over and over, but I have to sat it again. You both are AMAZING. Clearly, you are an inspiration to everyone around you and everyone pulling for you. You are true living examples of hope and determination, and I am honored and privelaged to learn from your example. Keep it up and stay strong!
Bryce- EAT! You need your physical strength for Plan B. I say physical, because it's obvious that you are ready and willing mentally. Tammy- Please, by all means... take care of yourself. Here comes some brotherly love...Don't feel guilty about doing your hair or putting on mascara or whatever. It makes you feel good, and you owe it to yourself to feel good. You deserve anything that will make you feel rejuvenated and relaxed.
Carrie and I are still praying for you guys. We love you very much!
-Dave
Dave, I absolutely agree with you. As human beings we are a complicated lot. All the emotions and feelings and obligations we all deal with just on a daily basis adds stress to our lives. When traumatic events are added to the equation it weights all of our coping skills even more.
As a woman, I have found it easy to give, to take care of, to nurture, to empathise, and nest. I have found it not so easy to receive, to be taken care of, to have someone 'make me feel better', and watch someone else do things I would normally do. What I have learned and what works is to be gracious of both giving and receiving. It is the yin and yang of life. When we love someone as Tammy and Bryce do, (both of you are magnificent) it is so easy to forget self and live only for the other. However, in not taking care of yourself first it jeopardizes the honor of taking care of the other. It is not selfish, it is life sustaining. Isn't that what this is all about? Bryce, eat for the health of your body, it can't do it for you. Think positive thoughts of health and all good things. Be in the constant thought of gratefulness for your healthy body. Thoughts are powerful. This type of thought will help you in your healing. Tammy, get your rest, eat, do not feel guilty about what your needs are. Meet them. It is so important to the health of your little family for you to be whole in mind, body and spirit. You and Bryce and Dani are truly Gods' masterpieces. You have incredible strength and faith and are ready to receive another miracle. It is on its way. Love you. -Rhonda
Bryce,
Just checkin' in bro to see how you are feeling. I knew to this blog stuff, so bear with me. It was good to visit with you a few weeks ago in the hospital. I read Tammy's update from Monday and I was glad to hear that the transfusion went ok - man I can't fathom the things that you are experiencing and going through. We (Heather and kids included) pray for you each day and want you to know that we are thinking about you all of the time and hoping the very best for you; you have such an amazing little family and an amazing spirit. - Lips, Leonard, Red, Beanhead,Phil, Leo -take your pick.
Tammy,
I spoke yesterday with Carl, who had spoken with Greg, our pilot. He thinks we can make it work with the company plane if Bryce can stay "up". Keep us posted.
Meanwhile, Sally and I continue to put Bryce's name on the prayer roll at the Jordan River Temple. We are there twice a week, so there is a lot of faith involved. Love, Tim and Sally
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Tammi I see you can't sleep either. Here we have some wonderful people thst will transport patients on thier private planes. I will make some calls today to see if any of them know of the same thing out your way. I'll let you know what I find out. They are great and do this usually at no charge to the patient. Stay strong Bryce.
Suzan