New Chemo
Bryce’s family took Dani overnight, as my parents did two nights ago. They were all hoping we’d get some good sleep, but it’s past 5 a.m. and I haven’t slept yet. I’m so tired I’m nauseous. I just got Bryce back to sleep after he was awake for an hour, coughing up stuff and measuring his very low blood oxygen saturation. I keep hearing strange noises, which scares me since we have about 70 dB of noise in our room at all times (2 oxygen concentrators!). It sounds like animals are running around my house or cats fighting, but all of my animals are gone. I won’t wake Bryce up to protect me, because he doesn’t have the strength to get out of bed and waste any bad guys. I don’t want him to feel useless (that’s not my word—it’s what he called himself when I heard a loud noise in the middle of the night), so I won’t bring it up. I feel like puking, crying, sleeping, etc., all at the same time. Another scary thing is if I fall asleep, I may not wake up fast enough to help Bryce breathe. I would give anything right now to spend a few days alone with Bryce, sleeping. Sleeping without interruption or feeling irresponsible, like I’m neglecting my baby. (Poor Bryce is moaning, groaning, sniffling and talking in his sleep right now…)
Many of you have tried calling and not gotten an answer. I’m so sorry. I wish I had a great excuse for each of you. The truth is, I just can’t do it sometimes. I hear the phone ring and can’t handle the sound. I’m totally overwhelmed. I may be having a “moment”, or on the other line, or talking to a guest at our home. Some times I just can't talk and at other times I can’t seem to put it down (when Bryce and Dani are sleeping). The best time for chatting is late at night, which sucks for my East Coast friends and family.
Brycey visited a new oncologist and started his new round of chemo on Monday. It’s a month-long combination of Temodar and Nexovar, and they’re pills; --I SWEAR, I hear noises in my house!!:( -- He hasn’t suffered any side effects yet. These are the TKI drugs—tyrosine kinase inhibitors. These are our last shot, so everybody pray for a miracle!!
After the oncologist, we went to the hospital for a chest x-ray. Papa Rog drove us around to our appointments, so he took Bryce out to the car after the x-ray for air conditioning while I ran the films to Dr. Voldemort for his opinion. His opinion was not good. The tumors in Bryce’s lungs have doubled in volume since the last chest x-ray from 2 weeks ago. A very somber Dr. V came out to the car to talk to Brycey and listen to his lungs, and he heard tumors. (I have no idea what tumors sound like, either!J) He scheduled Bryce for a bronchoscopy the following morning. Papa Rog and I took Bryce home to his bed, and then we went to Huntsman Cancer Institute pharmacy to pick up the chemo pills, since it is the only pharmacy that carries the stuff. Two hours, four days’ worth of pills and $500 later, we came home and tried to get Bryce to swallow the pills. His throat is so swollen and he is so nauseous, he kept “losing” everything he swallowed. I had to violate the pharmacist’s orders and break the pill into some juice just to get the chemo into him. Our dads, Brady, Cousin Jon and Bishop B all gave Bryce a blessing that night.
We were at the hospital at 7:30 Tuesday morning for the bronchoscopy. Bryce’s parents and sister were there, as well as my good friend Mikey. Dad had surgery upstairs just after Bryce’s procedure, so he was able to sit in and watch the bronchoscopy. The procedure went well, and Dr. V was able to pull out two large tumors from Bryce’s lungs. Bryce was able to breathe better immediately. We were home by early afternoon. What a day. Thank you SO much, Dr. V!
Bryce has been fighting nausea and taking his chemo for the past day. We’ll all cross our fingers, pray, and do whatever else we can so that this stuff does something!! Dani is growing 6 teeth, so she’s absolutely delightful to be around right now. I DO love that baby!!!! Please keep praying for Bryce! I’ll do my best to keep everybody up to date.
28 Comments So Far!
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
I'm praying very hard for good results from this treatment. Hang on guys!
Take care,
Donna
My dear Bryce & Tammy - We are still praying for a miracle. I know it is possible! You are an amazing couple. Not many of us could handle what you are going through. We think of you and pray constantly.
We love all of you so much!!!
Dear Bryce, Tammy Dani,
Please know there are alot of people like us who are on the periphiral of your lives who are praying and hoping and believing a miracle will come for all of you. We pray for peace and the blessing of Heavenly Father and His Son to be with you.
Tom Jean and Justin Folkman
Thanks for the update. It's hard to focus on anything else these days, especially when there isn't a post for a few days! I find myself checking the web every chance I get. It is so good to hear that Bryce had some of those tumors removed...someone asked me if he could just have a lung transplant! Sounds like Dani is right on track-6 months, 6 teeth. She is so cute. I want her to come play with us. When the sitters need a sitter, call me! We love you and are praying for a modern day miracle.
With much love, Brenda
Dear Tammy,
You really need to get some sleep. I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. We love you and all will be well with you. I hope you are able to find some peace.
Love,
Lauri
-Tammy
You are doing good. One day at a time....one foot in front of the other. Put your little girl in good hands and focus on Bryce. If I had to do it over again...I would have slept with her more. Just laid in bed and soaked up her spirit-her stength-her love. You have 50+ years to be a great mom. Right now you are serving an amzaing and righteuous purpose...and it is to walk with Bryce on this journey. I know the mental and physical tole it is takeing on you...but this will be the greatest gift you have ever given to another.
jeremiah and josslyn blue
Tammy,
That is so right.. one day at a time..one step at a time. My and my family's prayers are with you. I pray to God to give you physical, spiritual and emotional strength. I pray to God to give us a miracle. There are so many others like me who have never met you but feel a connection with you. Your marvellous ability to handle this tragic situation is touching our hearts. I will keep praying for that miracle. God Bless you all!!
Bryce and Tammy,
I am one of the many who has been wanting to call and talk or come and visit every day now for weeks, but haven't becaue I want to give you the time you need together to rest. Please know that I pray for you constantly. Bryce - your continued courage and determination to fight are an inspiration to us all. Keep it up buddy, keep breathing! Tammy, I can't imagine what it must be like to sit up all night hearing strange noises. A friend of mine in Los Angeles had the same experience when he was sitting up at night with his wife who was battling cancer. He said he heard what sounded like little feet running around his house - but when he got up to check, found nothing. He found great comfort when he felt prompted during prayer that the noise was the feet of angels, attending to and administering to his wife. I don't know if that gives you any comfort - but I am SURE whether you hear them or not, angels are attending to you and Bryce. I pray that you will feel strenghthened by their presence and find the peace you so need right now.
We love you guys - hang in there!
Love,
Rachel, Ben, Abby and Isaac
I don't know if I ever be could as strong as you are all (Tammy, Bryce and Dani) being right now. Get into bed with your hubby or hold his sweet hand and get a little rest for both of you. He needs a rested companion to be a his side. But I am sure it is not that easy let it all go for a little while. We love you and pray every day and think about your family alot. I wish I could write all that is in my heart all I can say is that we really do love you.
Love
Stacey
Dear Bryce, Tammy, & Dani,
Please know that we love you and are thinking of you. You are always in our prayers and close to our hearts. Have faith, be strong and remember that the "angels of heaven" are surrounding you to bear you up.
Remember the crab dinner in Chicago? Or all of the meat Tammy ate at Fogo de Chao's. The trip holds fond memories which we will cherish forever.
Love,
Larry and Marietta
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
I was so grateful to learn that the bronchoscopy went well and that Bryce's breathing improved. We will keep praying for your and your family--especially for you Tammy. It is lonely to listen to the breathing of someone you love. I wish I could come over and sit up through the night for you, but my Mom needs me at night. I am also certain there are angels with you both, people you knew before and who know you and love you. You're now being prayed for in Portland Oregon, Seattle Washington, and Atlanta Georgia, and constantly in my heart.
Love,
Marian and Sally
Great news about the easier breathing! Being able to remove the tumors sounds like a miracle...we pray for other miracles to follow!
Tedde
Dear Tammy and Bryce,
I was so happy to see this update today. I've checked multiple times each day since the last one. I'm thrilled that the doctor was able to remove those tumors to help Bryce breathe better. I know all too well what it's like to watch someone you love try so hard to breathe. I remember catching myself "breathing" for them. Hang on, Tammy, there are so many right alongside you on this horrible rollercoaster ride of emotion. You two have captured my heart and I pray every day that God grants the miracle you so desperately need. Sending you love, strength, and prayers.
Oh girl, you're doing a fabulous job of simply surviving right now. Hang in there. I think of you and what you're going through a lot. Keep the faith. I believe in miracles! (Our husbands both need one...)
Thanks for the updates. I'm praying extra hard right now!!
Hey Tammy and Bryce- I found your blog last night and I just wanted to say that y'all have been in my thoughts and prayers since we got the initial email about everything. I don't know what else to say- just know James and I are pulling for Bryce-
Hey Bryce, Tammy and Dani,
I just wanted to tell you I just got updated on your blog site. What a incredible way to tell, express and remember what is going on in your lives. I'm so glad to see pictures of all of you. Tam-Tam, I have to tell you I just read your input on Aug 29th and I'm sitting here in Vegas crying like a little baby. How true is all that? It would be so wonderful to see you guys come to Vegas for that new treatment. Don't give up hope MR. Bryce. You have done and continue to do an amazing job in fighting this cancer. I love you guys!
Hey Tammy and Bryce,
It was GREAT talking to you last night Tammy!!! I could have stayed on the phone with you all night talking!!! Bruce it was AWESOME hearing your voice again!! I told Tam that talking to you was like having an chocolate sundae for me!! Tammy I believe the sounds were Angel too and Bryce was probably talking to them in his sleep!! Anytime you find you can't sleep just give me a call I am usually up scrapbooking. I don't sleep much either.
I was just so great getting to know you some more last night!!!
Know that I believe that Lord has brought the 3 of us together for a HUGE reason.
Love and Peace,
Christine
Sweet Darlin's...Boy,I love you both!
What an incredible journey! Oh, how I wish I could take it away. I'm greatful for the baby steps Bryce gets. Tams, I wish I could be with you so I could watch Bryce and you could sleep. My love to you both. Dani is precious.
Aunt Melanie
Bryce,
I am so sorry to hear that you are not doing so well! I remember all those soccer and T-ball games I used to watch, sometimes all day on Saturdays. I never would have guessed back then that your life would have been so challenging. You were so full of life. My thoughts and prayers for you are constant. You have always been a strong person, may your strength carry you. Your daughter is beautiful!
Love you,
Julie, Julie
Tammy:
I agree so much with what JBlue said...soak in every minute with each other that you can. Children, especially babies, are resilient and it sounds like Dani is in great hands with all the family so close by. I know how difficult this is and the lack of sleep gets hard but hang in there.
My prayers are with you, Bryce, and Dani.
Amy (from MPIP)
Tammy, Bryce and beautiful little Dani~
I send all the kisses in the world your way! I'm so sad to hear about all of the terrible-ness going on in your lives ~ but I'm so glad that you have each others love! Stay as strong as you possibly can for each other. You are an inspiration for love and I hope that much of it comes your way!
I will check in often and send many hopes and wishes!
Love the long lost Ashley!
Bryce, Tammy and Dani,
If I could, I would take the pain away. If I could I would.
If I could, I would hasten nights of aguish and bring the morning sun.
To lighten loads too heavy for all of you I love.
If I could, I would stop the endless tears. If I could I would.
If I could, I would bring healing oils of comfort, joy and piece
To heal the spirit, mend the heart and fill the soul with ease.
If I could, I would end the senseless torment. If I could I would.
If I could, I would embrace the love shown round the world
For some you are unknown, and yet, their love is still unfurled.
If I could, I would take that love and wrap it, ‘oh so fine’. If I could I would.
If I could, I would humbly say, it’s a miracle made for three
From God and angels up above, from friends and family.
If I could, I would. -Rhonda
BRYCE AND TAMMY
I SO WISH I COULD HEAL YOUR PAIN.YOU ARE BOTH AMAZINGLY STRONG.I AM SURE THE NOISE YOU ARE HEARING AT NIGHT IS THE ANGELS BRINGING YOU COMFORT AND HELPING YOU WATCH OVER BRYCE.YOU MUST REST YOU NEED YOUR STRENGTH TO CONTINUE BEING THE GREAT WIFE AND MOM THAT YOU ARE.I AM PRAYING THE NEW CHEMO WILL HELP BRYCE.BRYCE KEEP FIGHTING !!!!
SUSAN WOODS
I am thinking of you always. Thanks for the update.
Love,
Leslie
Dear Bryce and Tammy,
The Saints in London England and Reno Nevada are also praying for you. And, as Elder Holland once said, "Hold on. Keep trying. God loves you." And we do too.
Love,
Marian and Sally
Intelligent faith, consistency, tenacity, nobility, tenderness, kindness, devotion, strength of family, and undeviating love; things that I have learned better or in some cases perhaps learned for the first time since taking the time to follow your blog.
Tammy and Bryce, one of the myriad immediate and far-reaching results that come from your most agonizing ordeal, is that Melanie and I, in a more sensitive and thoughtful way, recognize and appreciate that most of the things we consider to be important or significant, are neither. We benefit because you must suffer. And because, even in the midst of your agony you selflessly share this arduous journey with all of us who read your blog, we are just a little more tender with each other. We hesitate before making that spontaneous and unkind comment that involves a concern that is neither important or significant. Melanie and I sit a little closer together when watching TV. We snuggle a little tighter in our bed. And Tammy and Bryce, it is vital for us that you know that we think about you. We talk together about you. We so love and respect you. And we're learning so much about what truly is important, and perhaps even more valuable to us, what truly is not important. We pray for you every day, several times, personally and together. As much as family who lives 800 miles away can, we agonize with you, we suffer with you, your pain is our pain to some degree, your anguish is internalized deeply in our hearts, in our minds and in our souls. We are but one couple. How many individuals, how many couples, how many families is your experience impacting? How many more people will your experience impact tomorrow, or a year from now or two decades from now? The capacity to influence, to turn a head, or a heart, or perhaps even a life... to me this is one of the most profound powers in the universe. Thank you for your influence on us.
Thank you, too, for allowing us the sacred honor to accompany you on this most profound journey. We promise that we will stay close in spirit, keep you in the forefront of our thoughts and prayers, and we'll love you both as deeply and completely as we know how.
Jim
Tammy,
Temodar can, and usually does, cause constipation - make sure Bryce is taking something to help with that before it gets severe.
Our doctor forgot to mention this and Tim had a terrible time after a few days on it.
I remember the noises, too. It takes a while, but it'll get better.
Valerie in AZ
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Its good to hear that Bryce's breathing is better. I hope it stays that way. I hope you get your wish and can sleep for a while. Thanks for letting us come in to your home amist all that is going on both Em and I noticed how peaceful and special it was to be there, something that I will never forget. We love you and hope things go better.
John, Emily, Sam and Miles