Birthday Musings
I know I will get busted for posting this candid picture I took tonight, but it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission. Thank you for the birthday wishes, everybody! Thanks for all the phone messages, also—between the two oxygen machines and the window AC, I NEVER hear my phone ring (or the doorbell—if you come to visit and you’re committed, beat the door for all you’re worth). I had such a wonderful day with Bryce and Dani. We all hung out in bed today and snuggled. We had some wonderful visits from our dear friends—the Findlays, the Beatties, Aunt Claudia and Uncle Dale, and my entire group of young women (and one YM)! The girls all came to my house and sang “Happy Birthday”, and a few were wearing their gorgeous homecoming gowns. I absolutely adore each one of my “little sisters”. Both of our families had dinner together and a little birthday party, with Papa Rog’s famous ribs (my favorite—and I don’t usually eat meat), Sellers’ homemade ice cream (so long, size 7), four crazy toddlers, and some wonderful, thoughtful gifts. Bryce capped off the evening by surprising me with a diamond eternity ring. I love him so much! The outing took a huge physical toll on Bryce, but he was happy. (He was also pumped to talk to you, Scott!)
I remember my last birthday, when Bryce and I snuggled and rubbed my growing belly. We were so excited for the coming year, and decided that 31 (32 for him) would be our best year ever. We were partially right—Dani has been such a joy, a miracle, and the fastest growing baby I have ever seen. (I realized yesterday that she had outgrown all of her clothes! She is 8 months old and is requiring size 12 month clothes, of which I had just a few items. My mom and sisters and I went shopping for baby clothes last night. She’s TALL like her daddy! Holy growth spurt!) Who knows what 32 will bring, but it started out surrounded by those I love, and I’m happily nestled next to Bryce right now (with my new sweet dude backrest—thanks, sisters!).
As for Bryce, he has made a new goal. His original goal was to be here today, and now his goal is to attend his brother’s wedding in November. Reaching that goal depends a lot on eating. Dr. Voldemort took one look at Bryce’s emaciated frame last week and chewed him out. Bryce is nauseous, exhausted, and has no appetite. Consequently, he has lost a ton of weight (about 60 pounds). When we don’t eat, the body naturally takes what it needs from our own stores. Unfortunately, protein is cannibalized first—meaning muscle, the heart and brain. Without an adequate caloric intake, Bryce could perish from malnutrition, which is very common for people with advanced cancer. Dr. V said, “You will EXTEND your time if you eat.” That struck a huge chord, as we’re all about extension right now; so Bryce is trying to eat. Perhaps all of my nagging (I’ll admit it) about food will make sense now. ;) The first thing I did was buy everything made by Nabisco. Calories are calories, and although balanced meals make sense, Cheetos seem to go down a little better. I’m not kidding—there are orange fingerprints all over the bed. I planted an entire crate of snacks next to the bed—Oreos, Nutter Butters (protein!), cashews, Starburst (…fruit group…), caramels (…dairy…), lollipops, Twix (the delicious group), more Cheetos, protein bars (the gross group)…it’s all there. (Thanks to AlloSource for the unexpected bonus—that was money well spent!!) No, I’m not trying to kill him. I offer him meal replacement shakes all day long, and people are bringing him his favorite, Caribbean Passion Jamba Juice with 2 protein boosts. The fruit flies love our bedroom. The radiation treatments have caused swelling in his throat, so it has been hard to get food and pills down for the past few days.
Another goal we had was to tape record Bryce reading to Dani. We both read "Rapunzel" to her and recorded it with an old-school tape recorder. We even did the voices. When we played it back, all we could hear was the hissing of Bryce's oxygen interspersed with my screechy witch voice. Bryce was too exhausted to rerecord. If anybody has any good ideas for recording that don't include cutting off Bryce's oxygen, please let me know!
To the 74 ROCK STARS who donated blood (or attempted) last week—you have made a DIFFERENCE. Thanks to Ashlan, our soon-to-be-sister-in-law-in-law-or-something-like-that, who quietly stepped in and organized the donations in behalf of Bryce. You are a great friend! To the doctor (bless his heart ;))who was hesitant to chase Bryce’s dwindling blood counts due to “limited resources”, these awesome people have provided Bryce with priceless time with his family, and more than quadrupled anything Bryce has used thus far! Thank goodness for our beloved Dr. Isotope, who values each moment Bryce has on earth. What a good man! We took Dani to his office last week, and she was greeted with kisses and giggles from the magnificent staff at Dr. Isotope’s office. You ladies ROCK!
On a sad note, my friend Aimee, who shares a birthday with me, lost her beloved sister today. The news was sobering. Jessica was one of those truly GOOD people who was sweet, smart and a great flutist. She fought her illness for 30 years with tenacity and courage. Aimee is fighting for her own life as well, with the same valor and hope. Please keep their family in your prayers and thoughts, and plead extra hard for Aimee’s success at battling her own cancer. Cancer sucks. Please continue praying for Christine and Keith as well!
For your pleasure, here is a picture I took of Dani today. She loves bathtime!
27 Comments So Far!
Here is a big HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! from the Briggs Family. We wish would could have been there to tell you in person and give you, Bryce and Dani some big hugs!!! We are praying for you all!!!!
Love,
Jeff, Cassie, Ayanna and Celeste
This may sound stupid but... when my sister was on her oxygen she had the same problem with the noise. She asked for a longer tube. The unit was in one room while she was in the other. I am praying for you.
Tammy! I love the Bryce diet. I keep those things by my bed too! Only I think I'm gaining the sixty pounds bryce is losing. :) Happy Birthday! Can you please call me when you get a minute. Forget hissing tape recorders! I've got the power of television and I want to make something special in my film editing studio just for your beautiful family. I'd love to do it. I can have a photog dispatched to your home in no time and within a week or so...I'll have something special for all of you.
Forget weddings in November. I want to see Christmas and New Years photos with your Bryce on my mantle this year! Make it so. I love you
Reed
Happy Birthday from NC. We (Vanessa and I) are terribly sorry to hear about what's going on and pray for you guys all the time. If I may offer some advice from our past experience. It may sound strange and even a bit gross, but one thing that helped Vanessa's sister's nausea and allowed her to eat more was regular coffee enemas (part of the Gerson therapy). They worked better than any of the meds she was taking.
Please feel free to let us know if there's anything we can do to help. Sorry for the informality of contacting you through your blog, but I'm sure the last thing you want right now is a phone call from your cousin you haven't seen in many moons.
Email us if you want instructions on how to prepare the enemas. Best of luck.
I love the pictures! I love the Tammy log. Thank you for sharing with those of us who feel so helpless but interested.
Lots of love and prayers to you all,
Charlene
Your last post has appealed to both my junk food loving and buying girlie pink baby clothes sides. Care packages on the way. The crazy Reilly catholics are still praying for your family.
Tammy,
Thank you for your sweet words about Jessica. She is sorely missed, but we take peace in the fact that she is now better without the things that caused her to suffer in this life. My family has proclaimed that I can't die--and boy do I want that too! I had a brain MRI that came back clear. The next step is a PET scan to see if the radiation and chemo got all of the cancer as well as checking for mets in my lungs. I'm kind of scared and the test in a few weeks out. I think I'll be a wreck by the time it comes :).
I'm glad that your birthday was so well celebrated. (Mine was pretty good as well! I got a magic bullet to make protein shakes with.) Tammy, you and Bryce inspire me every day. Thanks for your fabulous examples.
--Aimee
My mom is on oxygen 24/7. She has a tube that's long enough to literally allow her to roam the entire house. Her house is long and the machine is way up front which is great because she hangs out in the back of the house where the den and the bedroom are so she doesn't hear any of the noise.
I'm glad you had such a great birthday celebration. You certainly deserved it. Little Dani gets cuter by the day! As for the junk food stash...looks to me like you've covered all four food groups. Nothing wrong there.
You two are such an inspiration. You rock!!
You probably don't remember me, but I'm a friend of Holly's. I came to your family's Thanksgiving dinner in 2005. Your birthday dinner picture reminded me of that nice holiday spent with your family. Happy birthday. I just wanted to let you know, Tammy, that I've been following your story and am amazed at your strength and energy. You are a remarkable woman. I've loved hearing all of the wonderful moments you've shared with us even amid the overwhelming circumstances you're dealing with. I wish you & Bryce the best. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Tammy-
I don't know you, Bryce or your family. I have read your posts on the MPIP and then went to this website. I have been following yours and Bryce's cancer journey. Three years ago I lost my 19-year-old daughter to melanoma. We went through a lot of the same things all of you are going through. I can honestly say I feel your pain. I want you to know that I think of all of you every day and pray for all of you. I know this is probably the most difficult time in your life right now and one of the hardest things you have ever done and may do. I can tell you are a very strong young woman and Bryce and your daughter are extremely lucky to have you. Don't forget to take care of yourself. If you need someone to talk to or vent your frustrations to, feel free to e-mail me. I wish all of you the best. You are also an excellent writer!! and I enjoy your pictures.
Take care,
Michelle McLean
Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Lots like ya'll had a good time. I loved your junk food diet. Wish I could go on that one, but not because of the reasons you are. Take care and we send our love.
Suzan
Hello Brown Family! :) It's the old Lizard!
Word spreads quick and I have heard of your trials up here in Logan. I have known you guys for a long time and know the power and conviction of your amazing family. I am so impressed by all of you and your enormous strength. Your faith, your undying spirit, you are such an example to all of those who are struggling and even for those who are not. I know the lord loves you and will bless you endlessly I hope those blessing will be manifested soon. Brady I am so excited to hear about your engagement! You desereve the best sounds like you'll be getting it too! :)I was sealed to my husband on Saturday it was the most amazing experience of my life. I want to say thank you to you and your family for always inviting me to church with you. It took me a few years but I am here now! Thank you so much! I am sorry we have lost touch in times past. You were always a great friend to me as well as your family. I will have you all in my prayers and will submit your family memebers names to our temple up here so many others may pray for you at this difficult time. I love all of you and will follow your blog. What a beautiful little girl (Dani). Tammy you are an amazing woman WOW I hope that if I am faced with a hardship I will have the same conviction that you do to stare it in the face! Thank you for posting all of this so we can help pray for all of you!
Tammy & Bryce,
It was so wonderful to come by and see you yesterday. As always I wish we could have stayed longer. Bryce you looked wonderful and it was so great to see you and talk to you. Tammy you looked beautiful when you opened the door. We need to get Annika and Dani together more often. They were so much fun to watch talking to each other. I hope that you had a great birthday. I’m excited to see the ring that Bryce gave you.
Much Love,
Teri
Hi Tammy,
I wanted to call and wish you a happy Birthday but I am having a lot of pain talking. It's great to see Bryce at a table with all that food and family!! I am praying for you guys every single day.
All my love,
Christine
That picture of your daughter is absolutely adorable! Keeping you in our prayers!
First...Happy Birthday Tammy.
Second...Dani looks just like Bryce (sorry Tammy but I sympathize because my son looks EXACTLY like my husband).
Third....Golf Joke #2 To Make Bryce Laugh:
************************************************
Good Advice
--Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
--Form a loose grip.
--Keep your head down.
--Avoid a quick back swing.
--Stay out of the water.
--Try not to hit anyone.
--If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
--Don't stand directly in front of others.
--Quiet please!... while others are preparing to go.
--Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.
************************************************
Praying for you everyday Bryce !!
Hi Tammy,
It was so nice to see you, Dani (she is really cute) Holly, Steffani, Brooklyn & Camryn (who are cute too)and your Mom during my visit to Utah. I have known you and all your family for a long time and all of you have a special place in my heart.
Happy Belated Birthday. I wish I could have been there to help celebrate your birthday. I am glad that you had a good day. I guess I forgot your birthday was also in Sept.
Tammy you are a inspiration to a lot of people. Always remember we all love you and your family.
I hope you know if I lived closer I would help out however I could.
I have several people here in Portland, Oregon Some in my Ward and some at work that are praying for you, Bryce and Dani.
I like your new diet Tammy.
My prayers are with you Tammy, Bryce and Dani.
Love, Lori Johnson
Bryce and Tammy,
It great to hear about your birthday and that everyone was together. Bryce, I will send over that Rasin Bran since that was your favorite at Aunt Barbara's on Saturday mornings. I think I has quite a bit of protein. We miss you and miss being able to visit because we all have some sort of cough or runny nose. I hope it clears up soon. We look forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving and Christmas or hopefully sooner. You are awesome, I have told many people about you, Tammy and your Families battle.
Oh one more thing that I thought you might find fun. Everytime we tell Miles that we are going to Bountiful he says "Bryce" even if we are going to Mom and Dads.
Love,
John, Emily, Sam and Miles.
Rogs Ribs... That name resonates well. Let's begin a franchise! Just seeing the dinner table 'fixins' make my mouth water. Happy, Happy Birthday Tammy. Dani is beautiful. She has the beautiful combined features of you and Bryce. I think we're looking at a future tall, young lady. Any leftover's of the food and goodies you have surrounding Bryce, send them to the Boardman's. Bryce, my boys ask about you daily as we build our home next to your parents. Our combined prayers remain with you.
Love and best wishes, Kevin B.
Tammy,
First, happy birthday. Hope the coming year is filled with better days for you.
Second, you and Bryce are often in my thoughts and prayers. You are both amazing and inspiring.
Third, I wanted to give you some unsolicited advice about Bryce's eating. I recently went through this same no eating/weight loss fiasco with Mike. The biggest challenge is that foods that are acceptable one day become unappealing the next. Ask your doctors about staring Bryce on Megace. It is an apetite stimulant which is often used with cancer patients. It is amazing. Also, I found that compared to most other protein shakes, Carnation Instant Breakfast when made with whole milk has the highest calorie value. I make two packs with two cups of whole milk in a blender (I put Mike's in a sippy water bottle so he can take small sips all day as opposed to being forced to drink the whole thing in a short period of time). Finally, there is a product called ProSource (manufactured by Medtrition), which is liquid protein with no taste or odor. We got this product recently when Mike was hospitalized and it is awesome. I just dump into the blender with the Carnation to increase protein intake. You can order on internet (it's expensive), or better yet, see if someone can get some for you from a hospital.
Sorry if this advice is not needed, but since I just faced the same issues over the last few months, I thought maybe my wisdom could be useful.
Keep fighting!
Liz (Wife of Mike from MPIP)
Happy Birthday, my friend!! That picture is priceless.
I loved Reed Cowan's message to you. Take him up on his offer--- but yeah, I want to see all the future candid shots. I believe it will happen! You and Bryce are fighters.
Much Love,
Christy
You two are awesome! I can't believe you think we have forgotten. We read your blog, discuss, and pray for you every day. Our entire family are pulling for you. We love the pictures. Hang in there. We love you. Gerry
Bryce, Tammy and Dani,
Our prayers are constantly filled with our desire that a blessing will come to you that will bring healing and reprive from the awful crap you have. We know it can take place. On a lighter note here are two old joke that my family doesn't like to hear but I think they are funny and you are my captive audience so here goes.
#1 There was a retired city dweller who decided to raise pigs. He purchased all female pigs and thought if he bred them he could have a bunch of little pigs and make alot of money when they grew up. So he sought a farmer with a male pig. He found one and asked if he could bring his pigs over for the day. They agreed upon a price and and a time. The owner of the girl pigs dropped them off at the appointed time and came back that evening to pick them up. After he got them loaded into his truck he asked the owner of the male pig how he would know if the afternoon had been successful. The farmer said if your pigs are pregnant tomorrow morning they will be playing in the mud if they aren't they will be laying around on the grass. So the farmer went home and got up first thing the next morning and looked out his window to see if the pigs were in the mud or on the grass. Not one pig was in the mud all of them were on the grass. So he loaded the pigs back in the truck and went back for a second try. Later that day he picked up the pigs and went back to his farm. Again early the next morning he ran to his window to see if the pigs were in the mud or on the grass. Sure enough the pigs were on the grass. So back he goes to the other pig farm and asks again just to make sure he understands where the pigs should be if they are pregnant. The other pig farmer verifies that they should be in the mud. So the farmer returns that afternoon and picks up his pigs. By now he is fairly discouraged and so in the morning he asks his wife to go to the window and look at the pigs and tell him what they are doing. He calls out to her "are they on the grass, her reply is no, he thinks success, so he asks are they in the mud, she replys no. He asks then where are they? Her reply, they're all loaded in the truck and one of them is honking the horn." Long joke hope you got a smile out of it. I'll send you the second one tomorrow. You are going to win the fight.
Tom Folkman
Hey Bryce!
Thoughts and prayers are heading your way. You are a fighter, that is for sure. Keep up the fight!! I live in Minnesota - way up in Embarrass (yeah, folks make jokes about our tiny town ... ). Often times we are known for the coldest spot in the nation, come winter. Gotta love it. Golf season is from about May - Early Oct., then the clubs are put away. I ran across the MPIP board thanks to my melanoma diagnois - what a beast. Can't stand it, but have no other choice but to fight the fight. Reading this dandy blog that your wife has put together has been completely inspiring to me & has helped me in my own battle. Thanks a lot for that. You are blessed with such a loving family and a bazillion friends in your corner. It's all good. Tomorrow is a new day. Enjoy the day with family and friends. Get some R&R and a few laughs along the way as well.
The best, to you!
Jed & Family
Bryce,
I keep checking the website for updates so i can keep you in my prayers. Tammy i don't know you, but what a wonderful job on the website. Your little daughter is so beautiful! I have to agree with a post, she looks just like you Bryce. I wish I could have been there for the golf tournament, it sounds like everyone had a great time.
I lost my brother to Melanoma when we were in high school - I feel some of your pain and have a small understanding of what you are going through. I still remember the day you lost your brother also and how we all felt your pain then as well. You aren't going through this alone. I'm sorry that we hadn't kept in touch better after high school and such aside from the occasional bball game, but I'm glad that I'm able to view you and your family's lives through this site. I'm not really sure what else to say, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your family, reminiscing about school days and hoping for the best for you.
And to lighten it up a little with a golf joke:
Carl and Dave were getting ready to tee off on the first hole when Dave noticed that Carl got a new set of clubs.
Dave asked Carl how he liked the clubs and if they've helped his game at all.
Carl replied, "Oh yeah, they're great clubs! They've added at least 25 yards to my slices, about 30 yards to my hooks and you would be surprised at the size of my divots!"
Keep smiling every day. . . . My prayers are with you.
Marty
I love to get on this websitefirst thing in the morning and see how you are. You are both in my prayers, constantly. Talk about a refiners fire!!!. When I look at the pictures of you together I see so much love between you and so many opportunities to show it that I feel like you are very lucky. What a blessing to know of your love and that that very knowledge will be with you forever. Adversity can be a great binding agent or destructive and you have chosen the high road (the view is better from there). If this life truly is a test you both deserve A+. It is common to feel guilty about tons of stuff, believe me, I live with it every day but I wouldn't change the love and time I had with my Brady for any amount of anything. This sounds too weird for anyone reading this but I envy you in a small way. I too thought every extra day was a gift. I also want to say how much I love and admire both sets of parents, your little one is so very blessed. Love always, Earlene Blaser
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Those food groups sound perfect to me! We're still here and still praying for all of you. The dinner looks like fun and brought back lots of memories! Wish we could have been there, too-but we'll see you (all of you!!) at Christmas!! We love you!
Boston Burninghams